“……the property nestles neatly on this pleasant cul-de-sac. Externally lawned gardens and a double garage further enhance the property.”
Externally lawned? Now that is innovative. Can’t you just picture this (five bedroomed house) just nestling neatly away like crazy with its external lawns flapping in the breeze, or whatever it is that external lawns do which is different to normal lawns.
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19 Comments
ROFL! Amazing to think that people make a living writing this sort of shit
Trouble is Alison, when you have do it day in day out, it becomes more and more difficult to make each property sound individual and more importantly, interesting.
There are so many houses on the market that are *exactly* the same - same builder, same modern estate, very similar furniture and decor - that a client would not be happy if you described their house as “a modern brick built box, situated in an estate of other identical boxes, the walls being paper thin (you can’t afford bricks); unimaginatively decorated and furnished in the teeny tiny rooms that are modern houses, for sale at an extortionate price for what it is”. I don’t think anyone would want their home describing that way??
And yes, for my sins in a previous life, I used to be an estate agent *blush*
So did Tim I believe
There’re a lot of you about then!
And anyway, who (apart from Tim for entertainment purposes) actually reads that blurb? Don’t you just look at the photo and the room measurements? Or are we anomalous?
*And* (lol!) Claire - are you honestly trying to defend gibberish like “externally lawned gardens”? I can imagine churning it out constantly gets a bit wearing and you’re trying to keep yourself amused as much as anything, but that is, as Tim points out, complete nonsense.
It is the gibbering which annoys me. Ok, fine, be trite, just don’t be a moron.
piccies and room measurements for us. one piccie sold our house to us - the view back to the house from the end of the garden.
Ernest asked me the other day in which country they spoke gibberish
And now you know.
No Alison, not trying to defend gibberish
The description that Tim has quoted is absolute b*****ks quite honestly but I was merely illustrating the difficulty of trying to describe hundreds of very similar houses. I’m all for the Campaign for Real English when it comes to selling something (not just houses) because I think that most ppl are fed up with marketing speak.
What sells houses is the price and area first, then photos, then accommodation. If those seem ok on the details, folks will drive past; if externally it looks well kempt, ppl will want to go in. Quite honestly, most people could quite easily sell their own homes themselves, without the need for an estate agent, given some basic guidelines and probably do a better job for a fraction of the price.
Completely agree with your last sentence. Especially with the internet - there are sites you can advertise your house on for much less than an estate agent’s commission, aren’t there? I think we’d probably try doing that if/when we move again.
For me, the bollocks (sorry, “Estate Agent speak”) makes reading the description more difficult. Not that I really mind the bollocks - it’s badly written bollocks I find irritating.
Maybe we’re being harsh. It’s the Eats shoots and leaves thing. For the want of a comma, they could have put: “Externally, lawned gardens …”.
Yes, (comma) but they didn’t.
When I read it the first time it sent my brain into a coma. Briefly, I lost track of reality and seriously tried to work out WTF they were talking about.
Like you say, badly written bollocks.
BTW, I used to try to give readers hints:
“Tastefully decorated” = decoration is full of taste, all of it bad.
Incidentally, never mind the comma, the word “Externally” is redundant anyway. i.e.
“……the property nestles neatly on this pleasant cul-de-sac. Lawned gardens and a double garage further enhance the property.”
I’m still struggling with how a house nestles…
Snugly, I expect.
Neatly, Tim, not snugly. Get it right
Internal lawns - now that would be an unusual feature.