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What colour is love?

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by

Jax Blunt
in

Small wanted me to read a book to him today at school – something that doesn’t happen very often. He chose What Colour Is Love? about an elephant, small and grey, trying to find out what colour love is. It somehow seemed apposite to my day as I’d spent much of it pondering whether I want to read at the funeral and if so, what I want to read.

Funerals, to my mind, are for the living. They are a way of coming together to grieve and start to move on. If the dead are still around then they aren’t in any form that gets any say in the matter, and so anything I read isn’t for Katrin, it’s for those she’s left behind. And it can’t be anything that would upset anyone, and it wouldn’t particularly be for me, I’ve said my goodbyes already.

Which is just a long winded way of saying, I don’t know. I don’t know what to read, I don’t know what to wear, I don’t know what I should help Big to wear. Small is no problem, he’s still determined to go to find out whether it’s different to grandfather’s funeral (which I can pretty much guarantee, though I doubt he’ll take my word for it). I’ve scanned poetry sites, looked for lyrics of songs, pondered trying to write something, and then given up on it all and watched the tennis and Criminal Minds.

Maybe if I sleep on it something will come to me?

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Comments

5 responses to “What colour is love?”

  1. HelenHaricot avatar
    HelenHaricot

    can’t help you with funeral thoughts. loads of hugs and silent support though

    Reply
  2. Other Sarah avatar
    Other Sarah

    Never been asked or felt the urge to read at any funeral – too busy crying.
    More hugs and thoughts from here.

    Reply
  3. Sarah avatar
    Sarah

    Write something yourself? That might be too hard I guess. Still thinking of you here too xxx.

    Reply
  4. Merry avatar
    Merry

    I shouldn’t do it unless you feel a really powerful urge to; you don’t have to and no one will think less of you. If it is just adding stress to an already impossibly hard day, then just don’t and use the time to cry and grieve and heal a bit.
    Max generally has the same tendency to get emotional as a statue does and i know he found it pretty tough to do – i’d just have sobbed. If you have words you’d like to say, why not write them down and ask the vicar (or whoever it is) to say them. Maybe you could write out a few things that will be precious to Princess and Scott in the future, things about her as a mother or something about her as a child or teen that will make them smile?

    Reply
  5. Elizabeth avatar
    Elizabeth

    If you decide on the reading–don’t look up or at anyone, and you should get through it. The reading above is always a nice choice.
    I think a funeral should be a celebration of the persons life–so brighter colours are fine over the traditional black. Can Big just wear a nice summer dress?

    Reply

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