a reading

K rang tonight to find out if I had chosen/ decided on a reading. I said there’s a little poem, just about 12 lines I was thinking of, and she cried down the phone at me, as it’s the poem she would like to be able to read, but knows perfectly well that she won’t be able to. So I’ll read it for both of us.

do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sun on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight

I am the soft starlight at night.

I am in the flowers that bloom

I am in a quiet room

I am in the birds that sing

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there. I do not die.

Attributed to Mary Frye – I have mixed and merged a couple of different versions (had no idea there were that many versions), but I don’t think for a funeral that will be a problem.

Took the kids up to the shopping centre and bought Big a new dress and myself a new top (long and linen, with a belt, thanks for asking). This was after saying to my mother that I was planning on wearing a blue top with black trousers and being told it wouldn’t go – funny, I’ve worn blue and black I don’t know how many times before. She also then told me that I’m not trendy like the others (who are, I think, going in bright colours) but I resisted the temptation to point out that I’m not in my 60s like her either 🙁 Ah well, keep telling myself that funerals are for the living and we’re doing this for the rest of the family – I think I’d like a quiet woodland disposal with a distinct lack of wailing when it’s my turn.

Small has been an absolute pain today – he wanted to do reading, so I got out some sandpaper letters with him and he could only remember two of them. I can’t tell whether he just can’t do this at all, or whether he just doesn’t want to play the game and it’s all going in somehow. Shortly afterwards, he starting throwing other ppl’s work around, so I had to manhandle him out of the classroom and despatch him elsewhere for someone else to deal with. He behaved similarly badly when we were out shopping, even when I tried to explain what we were doing and why I was rather fraught. The only thing he did pick up on is that K’s wedding has been postponed – they are both quite upset about that, although he does think it’s a bonus that he still gets to wear his wedding clothes to the funeral.

Urgh. Strange little boy. Big is being very loving and caring and I hope she can hold it together amongst the grief tomorrow – we shall see.

Forgot to say we harvested our first potatoes at school today – got enough for all children to try them, which they did while I was on lunch. It’s about the only thing we’ve managed to grow this year, I’ll know better for next year.