All clear from the hospital, including on the blood test (I’m not anaemic apparently), so that is pretty much the end of that I guess. Different support nurse this time who wasn’t nearly as supportive, being far more interested in chatting with her student and the admin staff on the reception desk. Didn’t offer me any information (little details like what might happen next, how long can I expect to go on feeling shattered for, what about periods and so on), although was sympathetic to the fact that I’ve been having a lot of headaches?
So I came home and worked through the afternoon, and then sat and explored support sites for ppl who’ve had miscarriages in the hope of answering some of my questions. Several of them were quite informative, although I did find that lots of discussion of angel babies was slightly offputting. I just don’t think in those terms (not that I’m saying it’s wrong for ppl who do, however it works for you to get through this) – I mourn the loss of potential, rather than an actual person or personality. I might well feel differently if I’d seen or held a baby though I daresay.
But I got tired of that after a while, like ninepearls says, there’s only so much crying you can do before you start to feel ridiculous in yourself. Not sure that I’ve fully done that, it does seem to come in waves, catching me off balance at times.
Tonight I’ve amused myself doing java technical tests (a girl needs a hobby!) and now I’m off for an early night.
Here’s to a whole new day tomorrow.
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