Milestones.

I have been a mother for a decade.

My first child is 10 years old. Happy Birthday Big.

10 years ago I didn’t have the first idea what I was getting into. I had this idea that I was somehow going to balance a career with child rearing and home educating. Big, I’m sorry for the mistakes I made when I was just beginning to figure it all out.

I’m not sorry for the dummy – it allowed me to sleep without a small thing chewing on me for comfort, and drive without my nerves jangling from constant screaming. I’m not sorry about going back to work – that gave you a sane mummy with self-belief.

I’m definitely not sorry for the redundancy – that gave us a wonderful year or more at home with you and your brother, to find out who we are and how we work together.

Am I sorry for the choices that I’ve made that make you different to the norm? No. Home educating is right for us, though I’m sorry that I’m not a fantastic read aloud mum, nor do I get down on the floor to play, nor do I coordinate an incredible social whirl of activities, outings and lessons. (Hat is off to those of my friends and/or readers that do any or all of those things.)

I hope that I can continue to improve as your mother over the next ten years and that you will forgive me for having to learn on the job. I hope too that you can be understanding and not resentful if the lessons that I’ve learned from you mean that your siblings get an easier/ better childhood. I know from being the eldest myself that that can be difficult.

I hope our friendship can deepen through these next few years as we continue to learn from one another.

Happy birthday my firstborn.