Which seems to be some kind of discussion of early years child care. Not quite sure what the drive is supposed to be, but vaguely interesting.
Right now, thinking that some kind of childcare would be a good idea – have just screamed at Big as she was running round the living room like a loony. Instead of doing anything more drastic chucked them out in the garden, and currently debating what to do this afternoon to escape the house.
I really need some space. I love my children, don’t get me wrong, and I think that home ed is the best thing for them, but right at the moment, I’m not getting as much as a couple of minutes for myself. I want to do the work I’ve got to do, and the only time I can do it is when I get Small to bed, which last night was gone 10 and only accomplished by holding him still while he screamed 🙁 By that point all I wanted to do was sleep myself, so I went to bed too, and he wriggled and writhed and climbed into bed with me, headbutting, kicking, scratching – I’ve had enough. I exploded out of bed yelling at 8.30 this morning – desperate for just enough personal space to feel like no one was pulling or holding or wanting me…(nice way for Tim to wake up 😉 )
And *don’t* anyone tell me that it could be worse, I could be a single parent (which was my mother’s contribution to the situation), because I might just crawl through the computer scream and come and slap you!
So how do the rest of you manage? We don’t have an understairs cupboard, so I can’t crawl in there. The dining room is full of books, so we’re all cooped up in one room, which is a complete tip – perhaps a long term solution is to get shot of the books, the tv and lots of clutter so that we’ve got a bit of space and we aren’t all on top of each other all the time – anyone want a book or three?
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13 responses to “listening to radio 2”
(((Jax)))
Was going to invite you over this afternoon too, but figured you’d be too busy. I’m not sure that the rest of us *do* manage to do all that you do on that little sleep. Please, please, please let us take Big *and* Small for a day. I would even have them overnight during school holidays. You simply can’t do everything yourself, not while Tim is still poorly too.
Nope, sounds like it couldn’t be much worse.
I can definitely empathise with being in a small cluttered space and not being able to escape. I think if it were me I’d be working hard on carving out evenings for myself/ourselves, whether the children are asleep or not. This is one of the only ways Steve and I coped in the slightly more demanding days (I do think it gets better as the youngest is more able to amuse themselves and less in need of supervision, iyswim). Even now often the girls aren’t asleep but they have to be upstairs in their bedroom. Or if Joe’s had a nap in the day he’s not ready to sleep in the evening until much later, but he’s learned to stay in his room, too. I guess we’re a bit different to you because we’ve never done the co-sleeping thing, I know it’s slightly different with a Small-aged child too, but from here it looks like the sleep issue is the main one that you could change the most easily … unless you start selling the books, of course 😉
My other coping mechanisms are to sit at the pc and pretend I’m not here, I’ve grown quite good at ignoring mess and other jobs that need doing just to have a bit of time to myself … or watch a film (can be either escapism for me or it makes the kids sit quietly for an hour while I read a book!). I don’t think either of those are the best option particularly though, they’re usually my last ‘save my sanity’ options.
So hope this comment hasn’t come across as knowing it all, because I definitely don’t – I’m not really trying to work as well as do the housekeeping/HE thing, so I’m in awe of you trying to, really … sending lots more hugs your way. (((Jax)))
I agree with sarah. Sometimes you just have to make the time. Mine are all downstairs drinking tea and eating MORE choccie biccies atm and I am on here!
Don’t get rid of the TV- one of my main escape routes that! Either they all sit and watch something and I hide or I watch something and ignore them.
You are not an entertainment system you are Jax. Partner, mother, person.
You need to make some changes- make more space by getting rid of the books if you are not selling them then just be done with them.
Do a Joyce and have a childminder once a week to do all your work on one day. Personally I like this option and I would do it if I could think of a job!
Your personnal space is vital. I did -and lots of nights still do co-sleep. BUT they all have to be out of my sight by 7.30pm- they reappear at around midnight!! I don’t want to know- this becomes my time- even if I am using it to clean the oven . It has to be child free. Without it I know I wouldn’t cope and I would be doing more than throwing them out into the garden, which I do do even in the rain ( which they think is fab!).
HE is isn’t about being a 24 hour supermum, it is about helping your child grow in independance and secruity. Sometimes you have to change what you ‘think’ is the right way to be as a family to the way that actually makes your family work.
love and hugs xxx
I have minor blowouts or hide in the dining room 🙂
Wow Ros, that was inspirational!!! and have some (((Jax))) from me!
I *need* my space too, I get it by ignoring them for a bit or bribing them with chocolate for ten minutes on the computer – but I use that for blogging – I stand no chance of getting any sort of work done while they are awake!
Although Scarlett has bad nights, they generally start after we have already gone to bed, in the main she is asleep by 7 and Davies by 8 – which gives at least 3 hours of time to be a grown up. I quite often (at least twice a week!) get one to sleep then leave Ady with the other and go to Tescos or Sainsburys – not too exciting and I usually just listen to other parents having set -tos with their children but I get to drive there and back really fast and walk round aimlessly with a trolley for half an hour pretending I am no-ones Mummy!
I don’t have any real answers for you, but I do have an assurance that you are a person too and you need to spend more time on you 🙂
ps wish we lived nearer, we could share our crap days taking turns at providing the tea and house to be trashed:-)
((hug)) Will ping you later if I see you online!
Sarah, Ruth & Co
I’m not sure I would recomend doing a Joyce really – unless you are the bugger who is living the life I’m meant to have 😉 I can’t cope with clutter and mess, so a priority for me is to clear the decks every night. I also now insist on Hannah being upstairs by 8.30 pm. I’m pretty lax about enforcing it, but I do it often enough that she does believe that staying downstairs after that isn’t a right she can assume. Not that she ever sleeps before midnight, but that’s another story. I also get up early, usually around 6am, so that I get an hour or two at least to myself – but then I hardly ever sleep these days – if I was able to sleep, that might be harder. And I fully and absolutely expect Bob to do a share. I am very clear in my own mind (and thus he is in his, LOL), that childcare and housework, are NOT the same job, so just cos I’m doing one doesn’t mean I’m up for the other. I remind myself every day that I am not an entertainment centre – but I don’t really believe that applies with younger kids, so that does get easier. I have the childminder for one day, and make up my working hours for the week with an hour first thing in the morning, an hour or two over lunch time if we are in, and 2-3 hours late at night. But I couldn’t have done that 6 years ago, so age (theirs not mine) does help with this. I’m also up for a some benign ignorin on occasion, if I have a deadline to meet. What would be the one thing that would help just now, and make you feel more in control? Is there any way you can see of achieving it? (like the idea of you coming screaming out of the screen, btw – I thought all that aggression was my forte 😉
I’m the same with Pea Joyce ( they are very similar in their sleep)…lax on it but enforce it enough to make her feel like she is having a priviledge. Mess is the one thing I can’t cope with and find that if the place is disorganised or a room out of sorts then my whole life seems to follow suit. I’m not OCD but need order to I suppose feel in control of my time. dh helps with housework and has the children one day a week ( I normally tag along but I am very lazy about bing a helpful aid!!)and Pea goes to work with him one day a week. I have an evening a week which is mine to do as I please and we make sure we have other time as and when we feel the need. Sometimes for me this can simply be driving the car somewhere to sit and read. I am out of the house and away from all that is going on.
Mmmm… i’ve filed the big girls (which ARE the big girls now i wonder!) and personally for me the 7.30 thing is the biggy – it doesn’t apply to tinies but it does apply to people over about 6 months, if i can make it happen. Which meant people learning to sleep in a cot at some point and me not feeling guilty for it. No point in having a rampaging mother for want of a bit of time. Without meaning to sound heartless to Small, or thinking you haven’t tried or anything, its got to be the thing that changes and if that means you have to do some yukky “sleep training thing”, then so be it really :~( i can remember doing it fairly brutally with Fran but but it only took a week of lying her in her cot 15 minutes earlier every night and stroking her head til lshe snoozed and it was done. Ammi was weirder but i’ve still not explained the mystery of her sleeping habits to myself.
I couldn’t do what i do without Max so i guess another priority has got to be Tim geting mobile again, or discovering a form of horizontal HE/working that takes something off you. I just don’t know what would happen round here if Max was incapacitated :~(
Other than that, space here is Disney HE/ playdough and “home corner stuff”/ bedroom play and yes SPACE – last year was woefully hard in a small house. So make a list of those books and let us buy them. Take Barbara up on that offer and do it – she’s your friend, she can and she wants to :~)
(((HuGS JAX))))
Oi Tim!!!!!
great typo – crawl through the computer scream!
Do you need furniture moving round yet? I can offer you a Jonathan (I have asked hime first btw) and I expect Barbara could offer you a Chris. Would it help to have Small out of your bedroom?
Can you just make a big list of the books on a webpage? nothing clever or too time-consuming like shopping baskets or anything, just a list we can look at and email you if we want something.
I’d love to find a childminder like Joyce’s too – she doesn’t happen to have a twin sister in Yorkshire does she? And although I struggle quite a lot with going out to work two days a week, I think I might go a little (more) crazy if I was at home all week.
Jax – sorry I was out and couldn’t send my absolutely bestest hugs (((()))). You obviously need not just sleep but QUALITY sleep. Merry’s right take Barbara up on her offer – just look at the difference one whole nights sleep made to me last week!!! Thinking of you.