Insides and outsides.

I’ve felt over the last couple of days like I’m struggling a little. It’s only to be expected, I know, what with my body adjusting to pregnancy being over and having to deal with even less sleep than I was getting due to the binge feeding during the night. But I tweeted something along those lines and got the best answer ever from my friend Deb:

Stop comparing your inside to everyone else’s outside. No good can come of it.

Most excellent advice. If I cross stitched I might make a sampler of it and pop it on the wall 😉

It’s true. We forget that what we see on blogs, twitter, even often in real life is ppl’s outsides. It’s rare that we get let in to the what is really going on behind the smiles, and easy to forget that ppl might be struggling just as much or more than we are, they just are a little better at that point in time at putting a mask on.

I’m not desperately good, I think, at mask wearing. I can omit things, particularly where they concern other ppl’s privacy, but what I do say is pretty much what is going on. Maybe that is what ppl mean when they talk about this blog being authentic? And right at the moment, what is going on is a process of adjustment.

There are six of us here in this family now. An extra person, which adds an extra dimension to every relationship in the family as well as adding a whole new batch of relationships. There’s bound to be some upheaval as we all work out which way is up, and some days are going to run smoother than others. So when it seems to you that I’m sailing on through, rest secure in the knowledge that external serenity is only ever portrayed at the cost of much internal paddling. And I’m always rather more like the ugly duckling than the elegant swan.


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Comments

6 responses to “Insides and outsides.”

  1. You have appeared to be holding it together amazingly well, by the way. But wow, 6 people, that’s a lot going on. I’m no good at masks either. There’ve been a lot of days where the 3 of us don’t know which way is up!

  2. Hey Jax,
    You’re so right about insides and outsides – it is so easy to mix the two up and get the impression that everyone else is so much happier, organised, successful, whatever! It can be pretty overwhelming sometimes.
    Our fitness expert Wendy wrote the following on our blog yesterday, which got me thinking that actually as women we probably don’t give ourselves credit enough of the time – and that we should more!
    “Just because gazillions of women give birth, that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. Don’t underestimate the physiological trauma your body has undergone, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you should get over it and get on with it any time soon.”
    Chin up and let time do its work 🙂

  3. I’m glad you found what I said useful. I hope today finds you setting your bar a little lower, and staying sane 🙂

  4. This is a fantastic post in that it hits the truth firmly on the head. And, btw, the elegant swans all have insides aswell I suspect. Take it easy and just ‘be’ for a bit. xxx

  5. This is very true. I also think that the modern world implies that women should be up and out straight after birth and that’s not always helpful. When I volunteered at a local breastfeeding group a woman popped in one day to get some opinions on whether she might be starting mastitis. This was as she set off into town with her in-laws and her tiny baby (a very few weeks) to spend the day shopping and showing her family the sights. She was somewhat taken a-back that the general opinion among the other mums was that she might do better to go home and spend the day with her feet up and feeding the babe! If I ever had care of a newborn again (not likely!) I’d shut the door and stay in for a good long while and demand that everyone looked after me!

  6. What a fabulous saying, I love it too! Thanks for finding a moment to share it. Since having my second child (I only have two I hasten to add & bow to your coping abilities!) I’ve felt like someone trying to go upstairs carrying things & people piling stuff on to at every step. I think that’s just busy life’s being led. It’s how you get to let the small stuff that doesn’t matter go. Be kind to yourself it’s very early days. With love & much admiration. Claire x

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