Falling apart at the seams.

It is the small things that do it. Last night I talked to Tim about getting away for the weekend, joining everyone else at FoH for the weekend. I checked with A that it’s OK for me to get away from school about 3.30 on Friday, thus making the whole thing feasible. And then I rang to book a pitch and discovered they are full.

At that point I just started crying. I couldn’t stop. Other members of staff came in and out of the staffroom and hugged me, or passed me tissues, and I still couldn’t stop. A came in and offered me to go home, or sit in the office, have Friday off, borrow a caravan, anything that she could do to help, and I still couldn’t stop.

I didn’t cry this much yesterday at the cemetery. I don’t think I cried this much at the funeral – then again, I was holding myself together so that I could recite the reading, which I don’t think I’m ever going to forget now. I’m not sure I’ve cried this much at any point over the last few weeks, but I just sat there and leaked. Dripped down the front of my shirt, sobbed into two cups of tea, wept like a baby.

And my friends rallied round. Twitter was there for me, and when I sent out plaintive tweets, I had suggestions and offers of accommodation made, as well as virtual hugs. It made a difference, knowing that I’m not alone even virtually speaking, even if I still couldn’t stop crying. I think I cried for nearly an hour, eventually drying up in time to go downstairs and undertake a marathon changing session, as pretty much every child who could possibly have a toilet related disaster did. Which at least kept me from having to think or speak an awful lot and by the time parents came for pick up I looked pretty much OK.

And by the time I eventually got home, apart from it being very very late as I stopped after for a meeting with some parents, plans were in place and it looks like Tim is in for a quiet weekend as he’ll be all on his ownsome. Just hoping that there won’t be any problems with it all tomorrow, as I’m not sure I’ve got that many tears left in me to repeat the performance tomorrow.