and pulling my hair out!
Faint feelings of guilt, for no real reason!, lingering after camp when it occurred to me that I did next to nothing with my children and really took them nowhere. We didn’t even make it to the beach, despite repeated requests (about the only thing bar swimming that Big did ask for all week I think).
So home again, and Big has been asking to do some sewing with her sewing machine. This morning has been the first time she’s asked that hasn’t been bedtime or a mealtime, so I was desperate to say yes to her. And Small, unfortunately, is also desperate to have a go, resulting in severe screaming tantrums 🙁
Thinking about it though, when she’s finished, if she’s amenable, I’m just going to sit him on my lap and let him have a turn. He’s extremely dextrous and with me holding him, there isn’t an awful lot he can do with it. Had thought of doing some sewing with him on that plastic canvas, but I don’t think he’s really going to connect the two activities – and why would you?
Is this the start of the difficulties of amusing two very different ages then?
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8 responses to “Trying to say yes”
Probably yes and also different sexes, although even same-sex children can cause difficulties. An old friend of mine had four sons with a fair age gap inbetween each, all with very different personalities. They would do some things together, but there were things they liked to do that were very individual to each child.
I think you are always going to have periods when they will happily play together and when they want to do very different things; not just on a day-to-day basis but on an age basis, until they are autonomous (ie left home! only kidding 😉 ).
And of course this is the age where they have to learn about sharing – not only toys but also you/your time. I think that is probably one of the hardest lessons to learn and I know some adults who *still* haven’t learnt it 😕
One of the aspects of parenting I have found difficult is being asked to ‘do’ things with small person that I am totally useless at or just plain don’t want to do. Again, it is one of life’s lessons that not everyone will always be interested in what you are. Saying ‘no’ and hearing ‘no’ is akin to rejection in many ways.
*stops being philisophical now and leaves quietyly*
And there’s me feeling (for no reason) guilty but for the opposite reason – I *did* spend time and do stuff with my own kids, but didn’t go out of my way to socialise with or get to know people I didn’t already know. I feel awful that there are still almost as many usernames I can’t put faces to as there were before 🙁 At the end of the day we are only human and can’t do everythimg.
We didn’t do much at camp, tbh. No beach, swimming twice, no visits (unless you count the 7 hour round trip to Chelmsford). And I don’t think the kids were deprived one bit! They all had a blast. Stop beating yourself up over nothing.
so there. 😛
Tbh I think the difficulties are over-hyped. Presumably we’re all doing this at least partly because we want our children to be treated as individuals, so why do people act surprised when they *act* like individuals???
And fwiw, I found that after they turned 2 it got easier because they *could* actually join in and do things like sewing whereas at say 18 months they just weren’t physically able.
What’s Big making then? (Also didn’t notice her moping around bored much at camp 😉 )
…tell…me…about…it…
.:bangs head on keyboard:.
Maybe the portico kids are just better at getting on than mine 😉 , but with a five year age gap, sometimes it’s ‘challenging’ round here 🙂 Titch always wants to do what Pip does and so I have to think hard and fast how to include her without spoiling Pip’s activity and some things we leave until after Titch’s bedtime.
But it is improving round here, so i’m sure it’s all just a phase and will come and go often over the years 🙂
Jax Hun! Stop the guilt thing! Your kids are lovely. They are distinct individuals, just like their parents. Actually, just like mine. I suspect we see it more because we live with it all day every day.
I am hoping it’s going to improve here in the near future too. Chat to you soon.
Jax,
It throws up stuff all the time ,home edding multiples,but do you know? I personally think that the young ones and older ones GAIN so much unmeasurable stuff by going through it together!
I feel always like I am doing deals,running fast to keep up with the knowledge that Big will want to do …so that means that I need to provide this for Shiny and this for baby???
It is the best of it and the worst of it!!
I have this quite a lot, infact it is possibly why I have leaned more towards not trying to do any formal learning stuff with D cos S comes and spoils it anyway 🙁 I do think they’d both be further along on some stuff if they had time without the other one around, but I also *know* that they’d be way behind in many other ways if it were not for the (constant) presence of their sibling. In the main they are way better for having each other – and watching Big and Small with each other last week showed how much they do get out of having each other (they, like mine were siblings often spotted near to each other in the same activity at their own level).
All that said one of my vague plans for September is to start trying to build in a little more one to one time with each of them, partic with D so he is not getting ‘held back’ by her and not always hearing no.