By birth, and by preference, I’m a northerner. Born in Durham, grew up in Yorkshire, went back to university in Durham, and stayed there until I moved for a better job, as so many ppl have had to do over the years.
Since then, as a family we’ve just sort of drifted about Derbyshire/ Yorkshire as was most convenient at the time. Until earlier this year, when we moved to the east of England, near Tim’s brother.
Now, I’m always being told that southerners are more standoffish, and that northerners are open and friendly. Maybe this little town hasn’t quite worked out where it is then, as I have to say, it’s an awful lot friendlier than the last couple or three places we’ve lived. We’ve been here six months, give or take, and I now know more ppl to nod at on the street and exchange times of day with than I did in any of the last three places, including the one where we notched up nearly a decade. Just this week the not-brown-owl leader at Brownies said “saw you yomping down to the front, waved, but my husband was driving and I don’t think you saw us.” And another car had passed us earlier in the day waving frantically and it was the parent of another Brownie. (I know that probably doesn’t sound like much, but the only ppl we knew after 8 years in one house were the next door neighbours. And then they both moved.)
We’re building links here. Friendships. There’s one little girl that has come here a couple of times, and I’ve taken her swimming. Without her mother and without a CRB or ISA check. Oh, it’s OK, it’s just an informal arrangement between parents, and that won’t need checks anyway. It stems from trust, an essential part of human relationships, that stands to be irrevocably damaged by the government’s latest meddling.
If we stop relying on trust in these informal arrangements then we are going to lose the ability to trust, to make informed judgements, and build relationships and community. We won’t want to make friends with the other parents at swimming and let our children go off to other ppl’s houses without a bit of paper to prove that the other parents have never been caught doing anything dodgy, and we’ll have lost one more bit of ability to think for ourselves.
That isn’t what it’s supposed to be about. We are a social species, and we are supposed to rely on friends and family. And yes, sometimes we will get it wrong and ppl will get hurt – sometimes you fall out with ppl, very occasionally ppl will do very bad things. I don’t have a problem with vetting ppl in authority roles, such as teachers or doctors – mainly because we don’t get to choose them and build up that layer of trust. But I do have a problem with looking askance at everyone who offers a friendly helping hand.
The government is going too far. You cannot protect all children from all harm all of the time. As parents we know this. We do our best to minimise serious risks, we try to teach our children safety procedures. But we let them ride bikes, help them learn to cross roads, teach them to use sharp knives safely when cooking and step back gradually as they grow up. We use our judgement. Sometimes they’ll get hurt – sometimes they’ll learn from it and not do it again. I’m sure Big will wheel a bike somewhere again in a day or so, and this time she’ll try to keep her leg away from the pedals so she doesn’t end up with a painful scratch. One day Small will stop running through the house and battering himself on walls and door frames – he will eventually learn from experience.
And I’ll be there watching and helping, bandaging the worst hurts and offering encouragement to get back on the bike. I’ll deliver Small to Beavers tomorrow where tbh, it isn’t the thought that Brown Beaver is CRB checked that gives me confidence. It’s the conversation I had with her when I signed Small up, and the little exchanges that we have when I drop him off and pick him up, and the way I’ve seen her deal with the boys. Not the strength of a piece of paper which I haven’t even seen.
Nanny state, back off. We don’t need nannies. We need to be allowed to grow up.
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