Rubbish Christmas Presents Volume 4

Oct 27, 2006

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(Things that look like other things)

Some of you are probably thinking, “but I would love a guitar for Christmas”. Well wish on, because this is not guitar, it is a really nasty, nasty telephone.

Another phone. Anyone fancy sitting in the office holding a toy car to their head? No? If you want a fancy phone, just get a retro one, or a repro of an old one. Better yet, a phone is a tool, get one which is simply functional.

Look, we all know what happens when someone goes into that little room, and sometime we all will be the one who uses the last sheet. So put the fresh roll in plain view, don’t camouflage it!

Once upon a time, every greasy spoon in the country had these, and every single one had a nozzle gummed up with red-brown crud. It’s tomato sauce, it comes in bottles, leave it in bottles. Ugly, unnecessary, don’t know quite why I hate these so much.

Bottom line, whatever you buy people for Christmas, you can make it truly rubbish just by buying a version which looks like something it isn’t…

Home Ed Inspiration, Ideas, and Activities

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Exploring Neurodivergence in Children

Comments

14 responses to “Rubbish Christmas Presents Volume 4”

Bob
27 October 2006
The tomato – is that another phone, or just a ketchup dispenser?
I don’t know why you hate them so much either – I remember them and wish they’d come back. A bit like the proper “ba-baa ba-baa ba-baa ba-baa ba-ba-baa, ba-baa ba-baa ba-baaa-aah!” music for Pearl and Dean adverts before films in cinemas, which I’m glad has come back and replaced the glacial boring computer graphics version of the early 90s.
Also, what about the splendid Spaghetti Western done by The Goodies? It wouldn’t have been the same with plain bottles. Search for Bunfight in http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/dvd-title-t/the-goodies-at-last-a-second-helping/1014290/
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Tim
27 October 2006
It is just a ketchup dispenser, but you can stick it in your ear if you want to.
I think I remember the Spaghettie Western, however, I don’t think one appearance in a comedy series justifies their existence. The same applies to George Bush and Fahrenheit 911.
Bob, if they bring back the ketchup bottles they will probably bring back the frothy coffee and the British Rail sandwiches (which I expect are in a toxic waste store somewhere).
With a heavy heart, I feel obliged to provide you with a link so that you can pursue your dream of a world full of tomato shaped sauce bottles.
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t-bird
27 October 2006
I used to have a Ferari Testerossa phone when I first moved away from home. Actually I know of someone who would *love* a NASCAR phone – where can I get it for him????? (and yes, sadly I’m serious…)
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Tim
27 October 2006
You can get them here KNG America at Amazon.
I am ashamed to be helping you all make the world a naffer place.
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rosie
27 October 2006
O, that ketchup dispenser is an icon! but a bit pointless unless you have a cafe or a very large family that buys ketchup in bulk (and, yes, I grew up in one of those! we must have had something similar because I don’t remember having the gallon container of ketchup on the table).
I think it’s so funny that you are actually giving people ideas!
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Tim
27 October 2006
Which did you grow up in – the cafe or the large family?
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rosie
27 October 2006
Both, of course 😉
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Tim
27 October 2006
Was it a proper cafe full of seedy people and a juke box or a tea room smelling faintly of old women?
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Gill
27 October 2006
Hmm… *wondering how much it would cost to send guitar phone to the Falklands…*
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Tim
28 October 2006
Made by Ronsonic also for sale here
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Gill
28 October 2006
thanks 😉
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t-bird
29 October 2006
sulking now, they won’t ship the NASCAR phone outside the US 🙁 Would have been perfect… sigh…
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Tim
29 October 2006
Hmm, I did wonder whether American phones worked on the UK network (?).
never mind, I will hunt round and see if I can come up with some other rubbish gifts for you.
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ChrisF
31 October 2006
Yeah, I’m with you on the P&D theme Bob, Cinema just isn’t the same with out it. And yes, I do think greasy spoons should have compulsory tomato shaped sauce bottles.
On a sauce realted theme , only Britian could come up with such a boring name for a sauce as ‘brown sauce’
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