Points make prizes?

Jan 30, 2010

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The other day Tim was browsing the shop that used to be the coop department store and discovered a number of Ben 10 toys that were very much reduced. He brought home an Ultimate Omnitrix and Swampfire. This provided the impetus for us to try out a new behaviour management system as follows.

The children start each day with 100 points. Through the day points are removed for bad behaviour, things like screaming at me, point blank refusal to comply with requests such as getting dresses, or door slamming or fighting. (Yes, we do seem to be trapped in a cycle of negative behaviour atm.) At the end of the day, remaining points are banked, and when 500 points are reached, then Small will get a Ben 10 toy, and Big will get a haven’t decided yet.

Our previous system was to put in place computer/tv/console bans for serious infringements, and allow privileges to be earned back by good behaviour. This just wasn’t working, and was making life very tough all round – Small in particular struggles to control his temper and explosive outbursts were getting him an awful lot of bans. Plus it all felt very negative so it seemed like it was time to try something different.

Touch wood atm it seems to be working. Small has been much easier to manage for the last two days. I’ve already pointed out that we will not be continuously buying things, but we may move to a system of other rewards such as being able to choose family outings.

Now on some levels it feels wrong to be rewarding behaviour that is just reasonable, but I don’t know what else we were supposed to try. Small is not a child who can always be reasoned with, certainly not in the heat of the moment. But he can focus on Ben 10 through most things, so we’re giving this a go and seeing where it gets us.

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Comments

13 responses to “Points make prizes?”

Ruth J
30 January 2010
Good luck with the behaviour management. I’ve yet to find a bribe that DD can’t shrug her shoulders and tell me she doesn’t want, in the heat of the moment. 🙁
.-= Ruth J´s last blog ..Grrr Arggg Slow Internet =-.
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SallyM
30 January 2010
Hope it works for you 🙂 I felt the same when we had chore charts as I had to put things like “brush teeth” and “put dirty clothes in basket” on there but those things just weren’t getting done otherwise. They soon lost interest in the cold hard cash too though so now we just shout instead *rolls eyes* !
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Allie
30 January 2010
Well, good luck, I guess! The thought of ever trying to manage my children’s behaviour fills me with terror. I have enough trouble managing my own 😉
.-= Allie´s last blog ..Consent and the Ticky Boxy World =-.
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Alison
31 January 2010
Wondering whether *earning* points might be more of an incentive? 5 points for every successful half hour, or something! If they lose loads of points by lunchtime, what’s the use of trying to behave decently for the rest of the day?
.-= Alison´s last blog ..The wedding! =-.
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Sarah
31 January 2010
Yeah, we earn points here. Well, Joe does. I always felt that taking things away felt a bit negative, whereas earning them for good things (a) has no upper ceiling and (b) as Alison says, even if you make some huge mistake in the morning you can still earn points during the rest of the day. We wait until bedtime or a time when Steve and I are together with him, then we add up all the good things that he’s done that day (sometimes I have to *really* rack my brains!) and award points, which he gets to write on our tally chart.
He’s currently trying to save 3000 for a replacement DS, and he’s managed to get almost to 100 in two weeks. Given that I am fairly generous with bonus points he isn’t doing too well really, but there we go. Perhaps by Christmas he’ll have done it 🙄
Good luck with yours anyway, whatever works, I say!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Not without a food processor! =-.
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Jax
31 January 2010
Hm. I sort of feel that I shouldn’t be having to reward reasonable behaviour, but we do have a clause that we could add on points as well as remove them. This is going fairly well atm, doesn’t feel as negative as complete bans, but I do take the point and will keep on tweaking the system.
@Sarah dare I ask what happened to the last DS?
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Sarah
31 January 2010
The thing is, with someone on the spectrum, I think you *DO* have to reward reasonable behaviour, because they don’t have the same concepts of what is and isn’t acceptable. I know what you mean, I hate doing it too because it really grates to say ‘oh well done for getting up without being grumpy’, or ‘I’m giving you a point because you said please/thank you without being reminded’ but these are small steps!
The last DS – well one very old one had a mysterious screen cracking incident – it was left on the stairs and we think someone trod on it, though I think genuinely no-one knows who did it. My *unique* navy blue imported DS lite was then taken out of the house illicitly, without its case, and dropped while getting it out of the car. One corner shattered on impact. It still works perfectly but you have to hold it together. This happened on a Very Bad Weekend …
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Not without a food processor! =-.
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mamacrow
31 January 2010
I have found that reward systems work best in this house on a shortish term basis, to target specific behavours/habits that are causing problems – so yeah, it might well be ‘put your dirty clothes in the basket’ or, memorabily ‘have a poo EVERY day!’
we’ve used sticker charts – get a certain amount of stickers for rewards/prizes – tick charts (same principle but you don’t have to buy lots of stickers) and putting marbles in a jar (inspired by HP) which we did because the charts got too competitive and comparative, whereas everyone worked to fill the jar together.
.-= mamacrow´s last blog ..Let it snow let it snow let it snow! =-.
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tbird
31 January 2010
I think you ahve to go with whatever works really! “Rewards” don’t seem to work here cos she’s too damned lazy to care!!!! Threats of removal of net book if the TV remote got left on the floor or the sofa again, however, worked instantly! Although I did find myself having to remove Duke’s laptop for the same offence in order to keep things “fair”…. rolls eyes at 48 year old “child”…..
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Michelle
31 January 2010
well. I’m currently seething as I asked the adult to hang his coat up mid afternoon, he said yes in a moment. When C going to bed it was still on the floor (having to step over it – he must’ve stepped over it half a dozen times too), he came and sat down on sofa and it was my turn to say goodnight, saw coat and said I thought you were going to hang this up, he said “I’ve just sat down now – can I do it later?” in a whiny voice. I said I’d like it done now as it was hours ago he said he would – and he refuses to get off his arse. So 9yo (coats all hung up), sees and hears her father not picking up and putting away his coat. Great.
The usual solution is that I do it at the time I see it but I’m fed up with me having to do things if I want a tidy house.
Just Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
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Michelle
31 January 2010
its hung up now.
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Lins
1 February 2010
Hi! Interesting post and discussion. I tried only giving mine a percentage of their pocket money if I felt they weren’t pulling their weight in the house, the idea being to draw their attention to it as just as I feel they have a “right” to some spending money of their own, so I have a “right” to not be treated like a servant. I felt uncomfortable doing it in the end and taking money away on pocket money day (which wasn’t the day I necessarily felt most resentful about it!)and after an initial buzz where they almost enjoyed it for the novelty, they got really upset about it so it all fizzled out. It still had an impact though as I think they realised how fed up I was about it. Sometimes these systems don’t always have the desired effect but something comes of it! Good luck with it!
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kellyi
1 February 2010
Hello
Thanks for your honesty. It’s important for me to hear that other people’s children don’t always behave perfectly!
Be interested to see how it works for you. I used incentives when Shrek was small, because without them we wouldn’t have made it out of the door for the first six months.
Hope it works – but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t x
.-= kellyi´s last blog ..much busy-ness =-.
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