I’m doing it differently.
Why am I breaking my heart over a festival that belongs to a religion I don’t subscribe to any more?
Big is highly strung, I think I’ve mentioned this before. I think she gets it from me (no, really?) so at times of stress, we don’t really work well together. Apparently today, despite the fact that we’ve done making presents together for a reasonable amount of time, and I’ve spent all of the rest of the day in the room with them, nobody loves her and she’s not as important as Small. 🙁 That would have something to do with me yelling at her then. Poor Small has actualy spent quite a lot of time pottering about on his own, but he seems OK with it. I do wonder though if he’s not getting the kind of attention that Big got at this age, and whether he ought to be.
Anyway, I’m not going to go into details about our day, as it’s just too depressing. I’ve had a call from part of the family wanting to reorganise part of the festivities, and I’ve got one of those rock and a hard place choices. Do I pile myself and the children in the car and drive for an hour to spend time with ppl, who let’s face it, I’m related to, but have nothing in common with, or do I start the next year with half my family not talking to me because I didn’t show up with the children for them to drool over and tell me I’m raising them all wrong?
Decisions, decisions.
First one is that tomorrow is going to be much better, and I’m going to achieve that by having a plan!
Comments
15 responses to “Next year”
Hmmm, have some (((Jax))) first of all.
I have pondered the ‘neglected second child’ syndrome with Tarly before now and come to the conclusion that what she lacks in that one to one attention that Davies got, she more than makes up for in having Davies to love her, play with her and be around. She is also benefitting from having two parents who have already been ‘broken in’ by her older sibling – we are way more relaxed, less fussed about her every little developemental milestone and IMHO better parents than we were two years ago when Davies was her age.
Plusses and minuses in birth order, which I think tend to balance out in the end.
Christmas ponderings – well I have been sitting here doing some of my own along those lines really, but me and Ady have gotten much better at saying and doing what we want and expecting others to fit in with us as we are the ones with the small children.
Personally in your position I would probably do the first choice, grit my teeth and know that the children were enjoying being with people who love them (even if they are a bit misguided!), but that’s me, in my family…
You know I had the opposite problem. Because Marcus was so young when Alex was born (15 mths) I beat myself up constantly about it sayign that I never left enough time for him to be just with us. It’s always felt like there has been both of them. I was going through a pretty bad time though and blaming any negative behaviour on that.
The only way Small can have what Big had is to put him in that nursery again, and you know that’s not what you want. And I know you’ve pondered over whether it was all a good idea for Big too. No matter what we choose we’ll always think it might have been different some other way. thing is we’ll never know, we only get one chance and we do the best we can with that chance.
I personally think you’re doing a damn good job 🙂
Yep, I’d go with the children are more important option.
Have a load more (((((((Jax)))))))))) – you know what she said isn’t true, and I’m sure she knows it’s not true either. It’s always handy when you know what will really wind someone up though {evil grin}
Cheap package deal to somewhere hot always seems very tempting aroudn now 🙂
((((((more hugs)))) – and you know where we are if you need more!
Poor you. I hope it gets easier. And as I am waiting for my drugs to start working, I may not even make sense. But if it was me, I would use the excuse of dicey weather, promised the kids they could play at home with their new stuff, etc etc, and batten down the hatches rather than making myself miserable gong somewhere I didn’t want to be. Especially if I knew that i would be critisised for my life choices while I was there. But contrary to the belief that you are more selfish BEFORE you have kids, I think I’ve actually got a lot more selfish since I had her, and much better at saying, “sorry, that’s not what we want to do” I would then make an effort to see the rest of the family, or whatever, with good grace, at some other point over the holidays. Re the religious festival stuff. Ho hum. I don’t believe, but its a lovely story even so, and I am happy to treat it as such, and to ensure that in with the consumer fest, we do also use it as a time of reflection, new beginings etc. And you know, I think sometimes even 100% isn’t enough for kids, and even with one, I frequently get the “you don’t care about me bit” I’ve decided she just needs to test out saying it, to discover that it doesn’t make rain disaster down on her head. Yawn – must go, or I’ll miss my sleep window…..zzzzzzzzzz
Joyce – you made perfect sense. Well at least I agree with you so it must be 😉
Sack off the relatives and have the day to yourselves. You can always ‘pull a sicky’ and they’ll get over it. Best Christmas we’ve had yet was when I was 8 mths preg. with Titch and we used it as an excuse not to be able to ‘cope’ with a big xmas, had a super day on our own and even Pip says it’s the best she can remember and she ADORES her extended family. I love my family but none of them have children and don’t alays understand just how fraught xmas can be…but one day they will and mine will be big enough to do the washing up and make me a G&T so then we’ll see who wants to churn up the motorway with a car load of pressies and wound up children…
This year we are just being ourselves. I love my family but this year i want/need to enjoy the little people i have with the least stress possible. I’d say “sack the relatives” too – tell them why, explain times are tough and you just can’t deal with the stress it will bring.
I’d second everything Joyce said too – Fran seems to be developing a strong fondness for religion and i’m happy to go with it. I’m not happy for abandoned commercialism without thought and consideration for what it stands for, in a wider or religious sense. I won’t suddenly decide to celebrate a hindu festival without encompassing what its based on, i mean i wouldn’t just randomly put up lights and have a feast, its fair to treat xmas the same. That said, i do belive the story, and its a meanningful one, even if i am less sure about the deeper side of it.
I would have thought that the subsequent siblings problem is something parents have grappled with for generations… I would suggest that younger siblings tend, in fact, to be more rounded and stable individuals than the oldest sibling who is, more often than not, crazeeee.
On the religious bit I am not sure (for many) that the origins of Christmas are related to what counts for Christmas (for many) now. I am not sure it matters to be honest. I don’t feel any compulsion to explain to the kids the origins of the festival which don’t seem to relate very much to what is going on around them, it’s almost like they’re two separate things that happen to occur at the same time of the year. It’s not that easy to connect rampant consumerism to the birth of Christ, in my book at least, and I don’t try.
Hmm, I think I maybe wasn’t clear in my drug induced haze. I didn’t mean I was linking consumerism with the birth of Christ, rather saying that at this time of year, it’s a good time (for us), to reflect on the whole new begining thing. I think the further north you are, the more pertinent that feels as it is SO bloody dark at the Solstice. I really LONG for it every year. Along with that, I’m happy to say that while that’s important for me, and worth celebrating, for my mental health, if nothing else, there are lots of lovely stories linked to this time, of which the Christmas story is one, and I’m happy to tell it on that basis. And what do you mean first borns are crazy. I’m a completely normal, rounded individual, with no particular quirks of character or behaviour………(bays at moon and shaves back on hands)
Joyce, I wasn’t really commenting on the comments of others, just saying what I thought about the Christmas/religion thing.
Chris – surely you’re not turning down the chance of lively debate 😉 I definately feel a flicker of festive stirring somewhere right now, though. 🙂
I don’t really do debate…I am right after all.
I don’t feel festive but then I am sat in the middle of a hospital. It is raining outside.
It’s raining here too 🙁 I don’t see “how” you can always be right though. Except on the occasions you are agreeing with me. Obviously 😉 I got my slot in letter about an hour ago – sent recorded delivery. The perfect excuse to start drinking 🙁
slot in letter? Sorry, not quite computing. Considering the starting drinking suggestion…
(((Jax))) Sorry onlyl just read this little debate – for once I went to bed early (er) last night! Tell them to bog off – no not buy one get one free LOL I just made the decision to cut off most of my family – for very particular reasons – most deserved and I have has a carefree Christmas ever since. Do it the way you want it girl!