I wish life had a rewind button – Music as Therapy

I’d so use it this week. It was going great up until Wednesday evening, but then it all went rather pear shaped and I ended up with two over tired extremely disappointed children.

I hate other ppl’s disappointment. Feel it like physical pain. And my children go to extremes of emotion, so they weren’t just shrugging this off, or looking a bit down, they were sobbing quietly at opposite ends of the room. It was partly my fault – I’d built up their excitement, and then I had to let them down, and there was no easy way to do it. So yesterday was a tough day, but I marshalled myself and we got through it. This morning however, I ran out of management, and found myself crying on the way back from the co-op, just wishing there was something that I could have done differently, said differently, to have had a different outcome and happy children.

Like I said, I wished life had a rewind button.

But it doesn’t. Pity it doesn’t have a kick up the backside button either, as I could do with one of those. So instead I think I’ll indulge myself in some music therapy, inspired by being tagged by Mammy Woo.

First song – Crying in the rain. I listened to this loads right after Katrin died. The whole album has become bound up with love and loss and grief for me – the benefit being that I can cry while the song is on, then gradually pull myself together as it finishes. Grief or sadness in a handy capsule of time.

I’ll never let you see

The way my broken heart is hurtin’ me

I’ve got my pride and I know how to hide

All my sorrow and pain

I’ll do my crying in the rain

If I wait for cloudy skies

You won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes

You’ll never know that I still love you so

Though the heartaches remain

I’ll do my crying in the rain

Next we’ll move to some Soul Asylum – taking me back to university, when I thought life was complicated and hard, and really didn’t know how interesting it can get 😉

Call you up in the middle of the night

Like a firefly without a light

You were there like a slow torch burning

I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn’t even sleep

So many secrets I couldn’t keep

Promised myself I wouldn’t weep

One more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now

I’m in too deep

There’s no way out

This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS

Runaway train never going back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I’m neither here no there

And then we’ll round up with something a bit calmer and a little uplifting. Both sides now – the version I had was on a Paul Young CD as a duet with Enya I think.

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere, i’ve looked at cloud that way.

But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.

So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now,

From up and down, and still somehow

It’s cloud illusions i recall.

I really don’t know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real; i’ve looked at love that way.

But now it’s just another show. you leave ’em laughing when you go

And if you care, don’t let them know, don’t give yourself away.

I’ve looked at love from both sides now,

From give and take, and still somehow

It’s love’s illusions i recall.

I really don’t know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say “i love you” right out loud,

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i’ve looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say

I’ve changed.

Something’s lost but something’s gained in living every day.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now,

From win and lose, and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions i recall.

I really don’t know life at all.

Well, I think it’s uplifting anyway. Perhaps it’s the melody in it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to see if I can find something a little more energetic to persuade me out of the chair and on to the housework.

Belatedly adding tags:

I want to know your music therapy – Broken Single Mum, Mamacrow, T Bird Anni – won’t you let me know? If I haven’t tagged you and you’d like to join in, please feel free.