I am scared.

Apr 5, 2012

—

Scared that there is something wrong with my child. That he’s ill and I’m failing him. That I’m making the wrong choices.

Scared that I’m going to spend more time uncomfortable and stressed in a hospital environment where ppl won’t tell me what is going on, or give me the information I need to make the right decisions.

Scared that it is because of my stubbornness that something is not right, that maybe my body isn’t making enough milk, or I’m not feeding him often enough, that I’m doing too much (though it feels like I’m doing too little and failing everyone else) and he’s suffering for it.

Scared of losing him.

It’s where it is

Home Ed Inspiration, Ideas, and Activities

Click the links below and scroll through my collection of ideas, workshops, excursions, and more to discover practical everyday activities you can do together in and around your home classroom.

Home Education Inspiration

Home Ed: Ideas and Activities

Home Ed: Topics and Discussion

Exploring Neurodivergence in Children

Comments

15 responses to “I am scared.”

MumReinvented
5 April 2012
Oh you poor thing, I can see why you feel like that but you aren’t doing anything wrong at all, you’re doing what is best for your baby. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be taking him to the appointments and trying to find out what to do to get rid of the jaundice. He needs milk and you’e feeding him, if he was hungry you’d soon know about it. You have three other gorgeous kids, you know what you’re doing so don’t doubt yourself! Hope it goes better at the hospital today x
Reply
tiddlyompompom
5 April 2012
Oh lady, you aren’t failing him. Sending you happy thoughts and a big hug. Hopefully all will be right very soon x
Reply
Emily (@amummytoo)
5 April 2012
Oh you’re not failing at all. Shout me if you want to talk. I’ve been there. Joel was in hospital with jaundice twice. Jessica was underweight from lack of breastmilk. I was terrified but they’re both totally gorgeous and healthy now.
Reply
Kat @ iRant iRave
5 April 2012
I dont know what else to say except huge hugs Jax. To fail him would only be true if you weren’t worried. I hope today brings you some answers & understanding.
Reply
Carol
5 April 2012
You are doing everything you can. You are not failing him. You are not failing by breastfeeding and if you need/choose to bottle feed you will not be failing him either; just being a mummy who responds to what this little one needs. L was jaundiced for well into his first 8-10weeks so its not uncommon, in fact it seems to be the season for it this last year. :/
Thinking of you today and hoping things go smoothly (((hugs)))
Reply
snafflesmummy
5 April 2012
Hugs lovely, you are not failing him. You are trying your best which is what matters. Try not to doubt yourself. You will get through this and soon be back feeding from the comfort of your own home. Try not to beat yourself up, do what’s right for you and baba.
Reply
Hayley
5 April 2012
Oh Hun! Your doing all you can and your being the best mum by getting him checked. One of my friends who’s little one is about same age has been having same problems with jaundice etc and has been in and out of hospital with her but she’s still EBF. Have you tried LLL or a lactation consultant for any extra advice? Although your probably more qualified than them!
Reply
Allie
5 April 2012
Hi Jax,
So sorry to hear you’re going through this worrying time. Hang on in there. If they raise issue re. breastfeeding again then ask if they have a lactation consultant. They can be great at helping to keep breastfeeding going if you end up looking at a mixed feeding situation.
You deserve kindness, respect and support – don’t forget that.
All the best to you.
Reply
Tasha Goddard
5 April 2012
You’re not failing him. As others have suggested, ask for a breast-feeding consultant and, if they don’t have one, phone LLL or ask a local breast-feeding support group – ours has trained peer supporters who will go into hospital to help or to people’s houses.
Thinking of you. T xxx
Reply
Elaine
5 April 2012
(((((((((((((()))))))))))) you are doing great and you aren’t failing him – phone a BFC just so that you know you have someone else ‘on your side’ it can help (they might also be able to give you some of the questions to ask).
Reply
Alison Sauer
5 April 2012
Jax, if you need support contact me off list and I will ring you everyday (or as often as you like) until you feel better….
xx
Reply
Alison Sauer
5 April 2012
Here’s a statistic to make you feel better
During the first week of life more than 60% of newborns become visible jaundiced and among breastfeeding babies bilirubin levels can remain elevated for as long as 15 weeks.
The key to getting rid of newborn jaundice is lots, and lots and lots of breastfeeding.
Prolonged jaundice (after the first 2 weeks of life) was once thought to be a disticnt form of jaundice and was labelled breastmilk jaundice. We now know that this is just an extension of normal jaundice.
Newborn jaundice may be beneficial – we don’t know
In healthy normal term babies as long as bilirubin levels remain below 20mg/dl and are not rising rapidly this prolonged jaundice will eventually clear without treatment by about 15 weeks (Gartner 2007; Gourney et al 1999)
As long as bilirubin levels remain as above temporary weaning IS NOT BENEFICIAL. In any event permanent weaning is NEVER to be recommended in such circumstances
In America breastfeeding is considered a risk factor ONLY if jaundice is severe AND breastfeeding is not going well AND weight loss is excessive (AAP 2004 pp298,301)
Hope this factual stuff helps
A
xx
Reply
Alison Sauer
5 April 2012
Finally – if your body wasn’t making enough milk he would be losing weight, not gaining it…
A
xx
Reply
1. Jax
  5 April 2012
  Alison, thank you for all of this, it absolutely does help. I may learn those figures off by heart actually.
  Reply
Jane @ northernmum
5 April 2012
Oh honey, you have been such a support and a rational voice with BB being ill – the advice above is great, a lacation consultant can work with the nhs.
remember you gave birth 4 weeks ago, you have 4 week post birth hormones everything will feel harder.
much love – here if you want to offload x
Reply