Courtesy of Moonshadows
Before I read the blogpost, I went off and read the associated articles, in chronological order, so I started with American Prospect online and then the following defense, and then I read Moonshadows’ take on it. Not having read her blog before, I *was* wondering if I was going to read a complete rant against Linda Hirshman’s every point, and I was slightly disappointed to read an article not dissimilar to the one I was planning in my own head. 😀 Great writing Moonshadows, can’t believe you got there first with so many of the great responses!
I do feel I have a couple of points to add though, so I will 😉
It seems to me that Linda Hirshman is saying that women cannot flourish or fulfil themselves without becoming men. That a career in the pursuit of money is a far more worthy goal than that of staying at home with your children even for the first few years. I particularly liked reading that elimination communication is the worst possible path for a woman to take:
Not two weeks after the Yalie flap, the Times ran a story of moms who were toilet training in infancy by vigilantly watching their babies for signs of excretion 24-7. They have voluntarily become untouchables
.
I’m sorry, but I rofled at that point. I’ve never thought of Kath or Barbara as untouchables. Or any of the other ppl I know who’ve dabbled with ec. Well, maybe that time Barbara had the camping incident with the potty bucket itself…. 😉 I’ve admired their perseverance, marvelled at the bond they have with their children, and thought admiringly of the money they are saving, but considered them untouchables, nope.
And on that note, I’ve admired many women who spend their entire time willingly with their offspring. Tim and I often discuss our life patterns, with the conclusion that children are basically the point. OK, money is nice, life is easier with a moderate amount than with a little (I’ve tried it both ways :?) but I’d give up a lot, and have done, to spend time with the kids. What I do now is unbalanced, but it’s improving, and if we can cut out the commute, and arrange more family time, it’ll be pretty much great.
And that leads me to the suggestion I’d make for women’s future behaviour, and men too. I don’t think the answer is for women to try to succeed like men, because tbh, I don’t think men who aren’t sure how old their children are, are flourishing. I think it requires a balance, and that many of us *do* enjoy and thrive on some work, and the way forward is to change the way of work and the measures of success for society. I would love for it to be possible for all ppl to work part time without guilt *if they want to*, raise families collectively without guilt and for children to be a part of society, rather than institutionalised in extended schools so that the rest of us can be good little worker ants. I’d like for the world of work to open up so that we can do it more flexibly – we have the technology after all 😉
I’d like for it to be a measure of success that you have your job *and* you have your life and your family. Not that you have a job and a set of photographs on your desk to remind you of ppl you only see for weekends and a couple of weeks holiday a year. And I think that is what women, high flying women can do. It’s going to require some high flying men to do similarly though, and it’s going to take a lot of guts from us all. Change is scary. But worthwhile.
Linda, on the offchance that your google alert finds this blog, which I would kind of doubt, I think you wimped out. I think you are just as hidebound and typecast by the male world as women who think they are choosing to look after the butter. (I loved that part of your article btw). I think that you limited your conclusions a way of women behaving that would indeed make them equal to men, and would continue society as is, rather than reflecting that perhaps what needs to change most is society itself.
Comments
6 responses to “Fascinating reading.”
Hi Jax,
Interesting article on work/life balance: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/104/vandebroek.html
Just for a laugh (given your current work culture):
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/06/writestuff.html
While I’m about it, another bit of attitude adjustment that has to happen re. children is in churches. Adults need to stop thinking of children as the church of tomorrow and realise that they’re the church of today i.e. not to be packed off into Sunday School and patted on the head occasionally.
Very interesting post. The Washington Post article is infuriating and really did dilute the several worthwhile points the journalist had made in the 1st article. I sometimes wonder if I’m letting the side down by opting out of work, but like someone pointed out in the other blog, that is as silly as saying I’m letting schools down by having my children learn at home. And to be honest, I didn’t enjoy my work all that much. I’m learning far more and contributing more to, well, the common good (jeez, how pompous!) that I ever did when I was working. My husband has a well paid job, but to be honest, his job is so demanding and he works such long hours that I’d far prefer him to paid less and home more.
Sorry, I’m rambling and will now cease!
I think that Linda Hirshman is probably frustrated by today’s reality not turning out to be the one she thought she was working for. Maybe she just can’t understand the choices being made by the generations of women following her. I guess that’s not really a surprise – given that she is an academic and most of them are very bound up in their work and base a lot of their identity around it. Also, it is often true that the generation that follows us tends to mystify us!
What really irritates me is that she sets such store by the choices made by a few ‘elite’ women. Their choices are pretty much irrelevant to me.
I have identified as a feminist since my teens and spent a lot of time reading theorists who wrote about the family, the position of ‘housewives’ in society, etc. etc. I think there ARE interesting things to be said about what is happening in the world of work/family – just not quite what Linda Hirshman said! Of course she got slammed by the forces of US conservatism for what she said – no surprise there. Pity she also alienated so many people who could, perhaps, have educated her a bit about why women make the choices they do.
I don’t think she did mean that about EC though – was she not saying that women who deal with cleaning up poo are equivalent to the lowest caste in the caste system and therefore choose to be the “untouchables”? Making all parents the lowest caste in society (cos don’t we all deal with poo?) Have to say I probably touch less poo ECing than I did last time round and hopefully this time it won’t be for so long either LOL
I didn’t read the whole of all the articles, I can’t stand people who are superior to others – I am as good as anyone and my worth is not to do with my career, how much I can earn or how many bottoms I wipe, but because I am a human being. I don’t think I am being held back by being female. I think society is being held back from treating all members of society fairly and progressing to something better because of an obsession with money.
Perhaps men don’t choose to stay home and bring up kids because to begin with they don’t birth them and breastfeed them, making mum more likely to be the early care giver, but basically because society is telling all of us we have to be good little workers and put our children in institutions from birth so we can get on up the corporate ladder. If childcare was highly respected and men were brought up to have dolls and look after children, perhaps more of them would be doing it.
*applauds*
I gave up work when I was told that I couldn’t expect to maintain the status of my old job, and work part-time. I was mystified by the idea that, in capitalist society, where my time is a commodity that I sell, I wasn’t in control of how much of it was up for sale.
It turned out that the quality of my work wasn’t what they wanted – it was a fixed quantity, or nothing at all.
Anyway, absolutely it should be about balance, and personal choice, and world getting it’s miniscule comprehension around the fact that WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. It’s insanity for women to spend one century fighting for employment, and the next fighting for the option to stay at home. Is it asking too much for me to make my own choices?
Whilst Kath herself might not be *untouchable* her argument sure as hell is.