Extreme parenting

Aug 21, 2012

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I’ve been pondering this post ever since I read that Miriam Stoppard piece. (I’m not calling her doctor or linking to it, it’s that bad.) There was just the one phrase that set me off, something about being an extreme parent.

I must be pretty extreme these days. For children, home educating, breastfeeding, co sleeping, cloth nappies, baby led weaning, baby wearing…and yet mostly it’s because I’m just taking the easy path, doing what comes naturally. So why is that extreme? Why is it attacked and undermined in the media, insidiously and often?

It’s simple. If you’re doing these things, you’ve deviated from the norm, stepped off the dictated commercial path, slid away from the controlled required way to live. You aren’t buying the costly disposable stuff, probably are working towards a house with less stuff (I wish), maybe you read books instead of watching TV? You aren’t a good little consumer any more.

Because this isn’t really about what is right or wrong. As far as I can tell no major company or politician is in the slightest bit interested in what is really in our best interests. Instead it’s whether we’ll buy their brand, wear their logo, vote for their policies. And the more time you spend just being and living, the less they like it.

When you start off breastfeeding your baby you are already slipping out of their grasp. You don’t really need all those costly bottles, won’t be stockpiling formula. And it’s likely you’ll fail with the whole sleep in a different place thing, breastfeeding is so much easier to maintain if you can grab the baby in the middle of the night. Cosleeping oh so quickly falls into place, and before you know it, you’re alternative.

Well ok, maybe not everyone ends up quite so alternative. But it seems to me that more and more people are becoming aware of the possibilities outside the mainstream and that can only be a good thing.

This world needs more of us to be thinking, and taking real decisions instead of just drifting along, and if it takes idiotic articles by sell out ex doctors to start people thinking perhaps we should be applauding nestle for this latest own goal. It’s so obvious they are getting desperate, as I can’t see how anyone can assume just having teeth means it’s time for solids. There are babies born with teeth, that would work well, wouldn’t it?

So here’s to the extreme in all areas of parenting. If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth overdoing, and that goes double for caring for your children. Love them, cherish them and spoil them with your attention, your arms and your time. The alternative isn’t worth considering.

It’s where it is

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Comments

12 responses to “Extreme parenting”

Midlife Singlemum
22 August 2012
Excellent post! When you look behind much of the ‘advice’ given out today, for children, education, nutrition, and just about everything you ‘should’ be doing, it is all in the interests of people who stand to make money out of it. We should start an op-out of consumerism club. (When I say we I mean you obviously :P)
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1. Jax
  22 August 2012
  Lol, I’ll add it to the list!
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Ella
22 August 2012
Ooh, I didn’t see that article, will have to go and search for it now.
I hate how our lives our made to feel somehow less valuable if we are not contributing to the economy at every step – I’m certainly for more people becoming aware of the possibilities outside the mainstream.
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Ella
22 August 2012
obviously that should be ‘are’ not ‘our’. time for coffee and a brush up on my spelling:)
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1. Jax
  22 August 2012
  Any and all typos instantly forgiven, so good to see you again!
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Allie
22 August 2012
I have never been able to take Miriam Stoppard seriously because a had a pregnancy book by her that contained the invaluable advice, ‘if colostrum leaks from your breasts then wipe it away with a tissue.’ She obviously thought that this would never occur to a layperson.
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Sarah
22 August 2012
I think you make an excellent point here. I broadly agree and I would like to go a bit further too.
I think the reasons for a lack of business serious support are as simple as- you’re not buying from us. The lack of real support from politicians is a little less straightforward. While I think many political families do wear a sling (have seen SamCam with one), breastfeed, or use cloth nappies, even if only sometimes. “Alternative” parenting becomes a cause not to shout about though because election depends on the endorsement of a majority of your local people. Local people tend to be interested en-masse in hospitals, schools, roads, taxes and so on. Most will not be mothers, and of those who are only some will passionately believe in “alternative” parenting so much that it will decide how they vote. It’s not so much that they reject us, it’s that there is no mileage in supporting us. Our first-past-the-post electoral system increases the liklihood that small minorities of the general population (like passionate “alternative” parents) will be overlooked. I’m not saying I can name a better system, I’m just pointing out the current one does this issue no favours.
The real way forward has to be in spreading goodwill for the “alternative” lifestyle. Something the gay community has managed
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1. Sarah
  22 August 2012
  Sorry I hit the wrong button…
  … something the gay community have managed to do in my lifetime. LGBT people are still a minority, just 2.5%, but they are a minority who are generally accepted and understood now. It’s not perfect, but it’s not the 80’s anymore either (thankfully). That’s sort of what the alternative parenting movement needs to do. Rather than fear and hate the established process we need to be making sure we are heard within it, talking about how we live and generally be being seen to be happy, healthy and thriving. Skateboarding was “alternative” once, I read somewhere it’s the 6th most popular sport worldwide now, and unlike football, is relatively free of the yoke of corporate slavery. We could do that.
  Next time you meet someone who thinks you’re weird, try to smile and explain patiently, so the next time they see breastfeeding in a cafe, or a baby perched on mums hip they have a less stiff view of “them” and “us”. (That said, some people are beyond all but the most saintly of mothers patience of course.) When that shift in public perception occurs there’ll be political support,even if only as a healthy living optional concession, in the same way there are public skateparks now.
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Jem
22 August 2012
Couldn’t have put it better myself.
I just… I don’t know where to begin with Stoppard. I’m sure my responses would probably include excess profanities so best I stick to nodding along with entries like this one.
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mum of all trades
26 August 2012
You hit the nail on the head when you say it is totally natural. I did a post a while back on my mother in law and my grabby’s method’s of parenting, babies in the bed, on mummies hip for most of the day, etc. Basically just saying no need to reinvent the wheel, Mums have been raising babies like this for eons, why make such a big deal. A great post by the way1
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Nikki Thomas
30 August 2012
Brilliant post! At the end of the day we are all individuals and we all do things differently and that is how it should be. No-one should be criticised for doing what try want or what someone else perceives to be ‘different’ but then that would be an ideal world where that happened wouldn’t it?
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Lisa Nolan @ Life Happens
8 October 2012
I really liked your post! I’m not familiar with this doctor person, and any way, she would not last five minutes in the San Francisco Bay Area where I live. Also, I’m a Montessori mom and we have our own way of doing thangs! And I agree with your push against consumerism! We have been fed this cheap convenience lifestyle, but the bad economy has made us moms think twice before opening up our wallets or laying down the credit card!
I’m also inspired by all my neighbors who are growing their own food in their front lawns!
And we are now buying most of our produce and meat from local family farms who are CSA, have a farm store on their farm, or who offer u-pick days. I can’t believe it took our family soooo long to do this!
This spring we are getting rid of a third of our front lawn and making a veggie garden. We already have some fruit trees growing.
Again, love your honesty! You speak the truth!
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