Small has finished school now. He’s very happy. I said goodbye to a batch of children today, and mainly managed not to cry, although a couple of them got to me. Big and I have our last day tomorrow, last day of term. It should be fun, although once again bittersweet.
And then it’s full swing into Christmas. Which of course I’m not prepared for. But I’ve a few days, and no doubt we’ll get there. And then it’s New years eve. Katrin’s birthday, first one without her, and it’s her daughter’s birthday on the same day. I haven’t really talked to anyone else in the family about what’s going on, must call Bil and find out if he has plans.
And then it will be a new year. Lots of changes. Definitely a move or two on the cards, and I have plenty of things to sort out both practically and emotionally. Think I’ll try to get to the doctor and ask about the miscarriages – I don’t know that I’d want to do an awful lot about it but I have questions I should ask. Otherwise healthwise I think not working for a little while at least will probably sort out most of me, I’m hoping to find that stash of patience I wheel out for other ppl’s children and employ it for my own, and looking forward to getting to know them again. Even though I’ve been with them, being their teacher feels remote – I try not to favour them as it’s not fair to the other kids and to Big at least, that makes her feel like I’m favouring everyone else.
I have a lot to make up to her. We’ll start by making things and decluttering I think, trying to clear a path to each other. I want to write, more than just blog posts, and study, more about education and learning as well. I want to draw with Small, and make music with them both, and then I hope that we will find and follow interests together. But I’m determined to take hold of time with them a little.
There, some early new year resolutions. I can tell the solstice is approaching – I’m ready for the light to change. I wish I could be hibernating right now, instead of charging full tilt into every day before daylight occurs. Still, just one more day. Then a new start.
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