Did I mention that I'm tired?

I am tired.

I went to the physio today, as advised by the GP two weeks ago, to request referral to the hand therapy team. The physio thinks the GP is supposed to do that referral, and also that the meds change could take months to make a difference.

And I tried to point out that the hands are just one part of a rolling pattern of joint problem and pain and I got told that carpal tunnel can cause elbow and even shoulder pain, so that’s still what we need to sort first.

So I walked down to the beach and watched the waves and then this afternoon I walked some more, in my sensible, supportive walking skies, and now my left foot is cramping and painful and somehow I don’t think that’s carpal tunnel.

Separately, I’ve been talking about how, when you’re autistic, one of the difficulties you can have is framing the problem you’re experiencing in a way that explains is to the right people who can help you with that. And spending over a year getting nowhere solving issues with my hands (and arms, and now it would appear my foot) feels like its part and parcel of that.

The health system is set up to solve individual problems, it’s not particularly holistic.

And the benefits system is similar, so if you’re having problems working, there’s one route for financial support if it’s a short term problem, and another if it’s a long term disability, and if you’ve got some of the issues but not quite enough you aren’t going to get that much support.

Which leads to an increase in anxiety, but the GP doesn’t deal with that, that’s the wellbeing service and so there I am, explaining myself again to another helpful person.

So far this patchwork of support has passed me to and fro like a slightly hot potato, juggled and battered in the process. And with nowhere yet to rest.