All of these rules.

We were at the soft play/ skating monthly home ed meeting for the first time in months on Monday. The older two skate, and the younger two very much enjoy soft play. I took crochet and got on with igglybuff 😉

The set up of this particular venue is that the roller skating rink is at one of of the very long building, there’s a cafe and seating in the middle, and then the several storey high soft play is at the other end. Many of the home ed families congregate near the skating, but with two little children, I always wind up sitting by myself in the soft play end, along with other non home ed parents of small children.

There are lots of signs. Under 2 area, 8 children. 4 and under, {number of children}. Socks must be worn. Parents are responsible for their children at all times. Do not climb up the slide.

The signs are pretty much uniformly ignored, and I found myself wondering what the point of them actually is.

Children learn from the world around them. My younger children can’t read the signs, but I read them out, and require them to follow the guidelines. This leads to a certain amount of unhappiness when other children don’t. Sometimes I remonstrate with other children – like when there are a bunch of larger ones divebombing the play balls where it’s supposed to be 4 and under. I try to be quite mild – things like “could you be a bit careful” and “this area is for the little children”. I usually get stared at as if I’m speaking a foreign language, before being completely ignored.

I could go and try to find a member of staff to deal with the issue – but that’s telling tales, and is frowned upon generally speaking.

I could go and try to track down the parents of the children who are misbehaving, but I’m not very good with confrontation either.

We discussed this whole thing in the car on the way home. The rules, I suspect, are mainly to keep the management from being sued. To make it someone else’s fault if a 10 year old lands on a baby. But the fact that the rules are completely unenforced just means that the children are getting the impression rules don’t matter.

So what happens next? What about when they’re a bit older, perhaps, and they learn to drive a car? Do they then decide that all the rules on the signs at the side of the road don’t apply? Like the ones with the speed limits in them?

The other side of the coin is that with the rules, you can abdicate decision making and personal responsibility. In terms of driving, a speed limit is not supposed to be a target speed, but you do find that it is. In reality, we should be driving according to the road conditions – but with the amount of information we’re constantly flooded with, it can actually be difficult to do that. So on the way home, an overhead sign came on with “is your car ready for winter?”

Thank you for asking. Did you really need to ask while I was driving along a busy dual carriageway, with rain and sunshine, and far too many people in far too much of a hurry? No, you really didn’t. But you could, you’ve got that big expensive sign there after all, so you did.

I’d like fewer signs. And fewer rules. And more actual thinking. What do you reckon?


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Comments

17 responses to “All of these rules.”

  1. I struggle with rules – well, if they’re pointless I don’t care to follow them, but if they make sense (and to not follow them would land me in trouble) then I’m a stickler for them.
    I just did a big allergy show; there was a long list of rules to follow, all of which made perfect sense given the potential health fallout at stake for many of the attendees. From feedback and personal experience it seems that I was the only stand holder that followed the rules to the letter. They weren’t overly problematic, actually they helped the interaction with potential customers enormously, and I avoided 4 potential allergic reactions because I made sure to check with every single person whether they had any problems with coconut products (not a major allergen but I still took the time to check). There were supposed to be no peanuts on site at all, yet I saw a food stand selling a product containing peanuts and it was in direct contact with other non nut containing foods. These were rules that were in place to serve and protect both the vulnerable clientele and the vendors, but they were ignored. Utterly irresponsible. I suspect you’re right in what you say – so many pointless rules that are ignored that people feel free to ignore the very important ones too. It’s distressing.

    1. It’s how we determine that they’re pointless that’s the problem I suppose. Like 8 years who can’t see why they should leave the ball pool to the little children, and people who don’t have allergies so don’t follow any precautions.

      1. Yes, and I suspect that for most people they just don’t think in a way that includes quickly seeing the potential for danger so many unclarified rules will seem pointless. My brain is pretty much a walking health and safety assessor, my (NT) DH’s on the other hand isn’t. Hmm.

        1. I do quite often wish I didn’t see the potential for danger in everything :/

      2. Do you suppose that a lack of encouragement of ‘why?’ Is also part of the problem? The ability to stop and consider the reasoning behind things – just do as you’re told don’t ask why – resulting in resentment and lack of desire to think through consequences. Dunno.

        1. It seems to me that rules on boards are replacing telling to be honest, which means we go straight from behaving according to a ruleset to complete anarchy. (Been in a soft play recently? I’m not exaggerating. Much.) Neither situation is good, to be honest, as neither promote individual responsibility or thought.

  2. I am tend to follow rules, more so as Harry has got older and has become more aware of the world around him. An example is that my husband will, nine times out of ten, not use a pedestrian crossing or wait for the green man, even when with Harry. I however, always do. Children tend to follow the example we lead and so I feel it is my duty to do so. However, like you, there are lots of rules at our local soft play and I never get involved as I do not like confrontation or “telling tales”.

    1. Ah, with pedestrian crossings there’s one on our way to the library where we have to break the rules every time, because if you wait for the green man you don’t have time to get across the road! However, this means that every time we cross there we have a discussion about it, making judgements and so on. Which is a good thing overall, yes?

      1. Ah yes. Good point I hadn’t thought of.

  3. C is a rule follower. I’m not on the whole and I stress her sometimes by doing something against the rules. It’s a compulsion to not do as I am told. At our local secondary school there are big shout signs telling you to walk on the left so I am compelled to walk on the right.
    However I don’t like not telling the truth and am uncomfortable about the quite common practice of taking kids out of school but telling the school they are unwell. Over this past half term one family went away two days early as going abroad for a holiday but got the grandmother to ring in each day saying the children were too ill to attend. I feel families are forced into this situation and think it gives totally the wrong message to the children.

    1. So what do you do on the tube escalators?
      I can cope with systems like that (stand on the right, walk on the left) which *are* designed to enhance usability and safety. But things which are completely without thought cause me problems – I want to follow the rules, and yet at the same time they are so often complete nonsense.
      Agree with you on honesty. Too many situations have become confrontational.

      1. If no one there in the underground I walk on the right. I have also been known to run up the down escalators :-). Especially the sloping escalators at B&Q. Again, if no one there. I don’t break rules if I can see it impacts other people’s enjoyment of life.
        I just like being subversive.

        1. But C complete opposite to me. Rebellious child.

          1. Subverting your subversion. Wonderful!

  4. and we nearly made it to skating but C was too tired :-(.

    1. Aw 🙁

  5. I think you’ve nailed it in so many ways – too many rules, rules for the sake of rules, unenforced rules put in place to cover someone’s backside, people who’ve been brought up to be uncritical of the world around them, so don’t stop to think why a particular rule exists – all adds up to a perfect storm of disregard for all rules including the ones that actually have a point.
    I’ve just been to London and was struck by the new (to me) pedestrian crossing count-down signs: not just green man=walk, but this is how many seconds you’ve got left to cross – so much more useful for pedestrians with differing mobilities to judge whether or not to cross or wait for the next time!

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