Not the best of days. Very sleep deprived this morning (and indeed all day) as ds didn’t settle til 1am, then woke me up three times in the night, dd woke me up by yelling in her sleep and then got up at 6.45, and I dragged myself out of bed when the alarm went off at 8.30. Was trying to get dd to nursery, and somehow lost control of the morning completely and didn’t get her there til lunchtime. Had all these plans of things to do this afternoon, and somehow only managed to make two phonecalls and hang out the washing. Did half of that in tears with ds balanced on my hip – don’t know how these ppl who cart their children around at all times do it.
Desperate to get ds into some sort of routine, so that I can get some sleep and get some control back over things. Dd reacted badly to my state of mind and gave me backchat, throwing toys at me and doing the “I don’t want to go to nursery” thing. Which is why we’ve cancelled her place (well, part of why we’ve cancelled her place) but I had in mind that I needed some space this afternoon to do some planning and catch up on some paperwork and just have a bit of calming time, and so I wanted her to go. Plus I want her to see her friends before she finishes….ok, let’s face it, coherence isn’t my strongest characteristic at the moment.
I am so tired! And today I got a letter from the sharesave ppl saying that they too have been told that I finished work in November (I haven’t finished work yet, my last day is our last day at camp!) and so they were terminating the saving scheme and so on. Noooo…..I need that money!
OK, what I really need is sleep. And then to feel like i’m achieving something. Which at the moment I don’t. Watched child of our time (dd is that age) and felt some more guilty -while I’m this tired and this down, I find it incredibly difficult to be loving and encouraging with dd, and so now I can worry whether I’m damaging her self-esteem for life. Getting myself a bit stressed over camp – I have my less than sociable side, so beginning to wonder what I’ve let myself in for here.
Enough. I’m going to make myself hot chocolate and wake up ds, put his night nappy on and take him to bed. Maybe I’ll get a bit of sleep – he’s had three meals of solids today, even had two petit filou for tea (screamed blue murder after he’d finished the first one). Ok, he isn’t comatose any more – gotta go.
