Making It Up

as we go along

writing

Thinking of self

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Over on twitter today I’ve been involved in a fab conversation with lots of other autistic adults. People have been discussing how they felt post diagnosis, which, particularly for those of us with late dx, can be a whole complicated bunch of things. And then people have gone on to talk about special interests and what makes them happy.

Right at the moment I’m not doing very well keeping myself happy. I’m watching all these people talking about happy making activities and all I’m doing is getting through the days.

I don’t have a special interest at the moment. I was trying to do nanowrimo to finish either of the books I’ve been working on, but while a few people have said really lovely things about my writing, every time I’ve tried for a commercial opinion it’s overwhelmingly negative. I chose that word carefully. It overwhelms my ability to believe in myself, to focus on the story, to find the words.

I’m sure right about now you’re telling me I need to grow a thicker skin. To not worry about the commercial appeal, or even the readers. To tell the story for the sake of the story. But I’m a little greedy. I wanted my story to be one people would want to read. To buy.

I’ve been writing for a very long time. (About as special an interest as I’ve ever had I guess.) And I always come back to it. But I’m very bad at finishing things. (Honestly, you’ve no idea. This house is full of half read books, incomplete crochet /knitting /sewing projects. Paintings, drawings, manuscripts.)

What is it that I’m worried about? That I’ll finish the story and no one will read it?

Well, yes. That’s up there.

And I don’t think it’s that I won’t have anything else to carry on with when I finish, if I didn’t start anything else I still don’t think I’d run out of projects.

There’s something about finishing things that gives me a problem. I don’t know quite why. I’d like to understand what it is that gives me difficulty seeing things through. But it’s something that I guess I’ll go on working through.

And tomorrow, I’ll do some more writing.

What's it all for?

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When I started blogtember, it was to kick start my writing again. And it’s worked – I’ve blogged every day in September.

It also hasn’t worked, because sitting at the kitchen table at 11 o clock at night, drooping with tiredness and yet not willing to go to bed because I haven’t blogged isn’t doing me, or you, the mythical reader, any favours at all. There are at least two posts in this sequence that are just there because I’m too stubborn to quit on a challenge.

And yet I’m also too stubborn to start some challenges. I still haven’t decluttered even the kitchen let alone the house. I wrote one article for the new business idea and then froze. The boom I started writing for write now live last year? Stalled at 20 pages.

Why am I so determined to complete things that will get me nowhere, and avoid things that might make a difference? What am I actually afraid of? Failing? Or succeeding?

I don’t really know any more. And I’m very very tired of it.

I might complete this challenge. I might decide that actually, it would be better to put the energy into something that might make a difference to our lives in terms of bringing in an income, or something that might make a difference to my self image by actually taking a shot at finishing something.

If I were you, I wouldn’t lay any bets on anything just yet. The one thing I am really, but *really* good at is is procrastination. (Anyone remember that series I was going to write on autism and burnout and all this stuff? Yeah, exactly.)

Hm. I think I might need to run through the compassion meditation I was just working through again. I seem to have let the compassion to myself bit slip through my fingers again.

This stuff is hard.

Contemplating home education styles, with a Teach My Preschooler kit review.

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When you mention home education to people one of the first questions (usually right after ‘but how will they make friends?’) is how will they learn to read? Or do maths?

The answer to that is all sorts of different ways, to be honest. Some children just seem to acquire reading in the same way they did spoken language, soaking it up from the atmosphere around them. Most home education households I’ve been in are very book rich environments (code for there are books *everywhere*), avid library users and big on reading with and to their children. This isn’t enough for every child though, and these days there are all sorts of resources available either free or cheap. We’re fans of Reading Eggs (handy affiliate link over there in the sidebar if you’re looking to give it a whirl) but there are all sorts of other apps as well, like Teach your monster to read, Nessy (which is particularly targeted at children with dyslexia).

Or you can go old home ed, as it were, and use actual physical resources. We’ve got a Montessori movable alphabet (like this one at Amazon affiliate link) and recently we were sent a TeachMy Preschooler box set for review.

The Kit contains resources for four types of activity – letters, reading, printing and math. (Sorry, it’s an American company.) It comes in a green filebox within a sturdier cardboard sleeve, ideal for storage. There’s a parent guide too, but I doubt you’ll be desperately surprised when I say we’ve been winging it in how we use the kit 😉

teachmy-box

Inside the box the rest of the resources are in labelled up plastic envelopes. The whole set is very well organised, and feels sturdy.

teachmy-preschooler-kit-contents

I chose the preschooler as I thought that Tigerboy might like it. Turned out that Smallest took to it too, so I’d say don’t underestimate the longevity of this set.

They’ve both spent some time with the printing activity, which is a magnetic writing board, an instruction book and 4 sets of transparencies. I particularly like the transparencies, which weren’t something I’d encountered before.

Tigerboy started out following instructions. (Don’t worry, it didn’t last long.)

teachmy-writing

Smallest had a go at the letters and numbers.

teachmy-numbers

She’s also spent quite a lot of time with the learning to read set. She’s already pretty much there with phonics tbh, but lacks confidence, so this was a good consolidation activity. And it turns out she loves flashcards, so has been practising them regularly, which can’t be a bad thing.

Way back when the big two were the little ones, ‘normals’ was a thing in my home education circle, as mentioned often on Merry’s blog eg here. With the way Smallest responded to this kit, I’m wondering if a box set of normals would be something that she would enjoy. She already effectively does this for herself, but she loves ticklists and organisation, so I’m thinking that an actual list of activities, all kept in one place for her to access easily might well be something that would make her a very happy girl. And Tigerboy tends to crash along and involve himself in whatever she’s up to so he’d probably just join in to a large extent.

There are as many ways to home educate as there are families home educating. The thing to do is find out what works for you, and never be afraid to mix it up when things need a change. If you need more inspiration, there’s a style of home education quiz on the eclectic homeschool blog which might give you some ideas.

Disclosure: the kit was supplied free of charge for an honest review, and amazon links are affiliate links.

Circle time.

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It will surprise no one who knows me that I’m pretty much making this up on the fly 🙂 (If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, pop back to the first post about creative circles here. I’ll wait.)

What I have in mind is a situation in which we all support each other. The support each person needs/ wants may be different, and that’s something that we’re going to have to be flexible about. What I think we should do first is introduce ourselves and what we’re looking to get out of a creative community. Is it pure support for effort? Are we looking to skill share, learn from each other? Are there targets you want to set for yourself? Or is it more about aspirations and wishlists?

So I think the first thing to do is an introduction and goal setting post or comment. If you want to use your own blog/site/profile to do this that’s fab, and after I sleep I’ll drop a bloghop into this post so that we can all find each other. I’ll use a bloghop rather than a straight linky so that people can travel blog to blog rather than having to come back here. (All a bloghop is is a shared linky – when you join in you get a snippet of code to paste into the post you’re entering, and then the linky list will show up on your post too.) 

If you don’t have a blog – maybe you’re going to be using instagram or flickr to share images? – you’re welcome to join in by leaving a link in the comments 🙂 

The sort of thing I have in mind is this:

I’m Jax. (Yes, I know you know that.) I’ve been writing fiction since I was in my teens, but I’ve never had anything published. My long term goal is to change that 🙂 My intermediate target is to have a finished manuscript that I’m pitching out by this time next year, and I’m going to try to use nanowrimo to kick the writing off. I’m probably going to need constructive criticism and virtual biscuits, and kicking off twitter every now and then. 

Alongside the writing is my drawing.  I want to get into a habit of creativity, and to stop worrying about it being perfect, or always better, and get on with just doing. I took part in a great sketchalong challenge with a couple of friends, but life got in the way and I just kind of stopped. I want encouragement to keep it going.

And finally, actually making stuff. I’ve been saying for two years I want a new reenactment outfit – that has to actually happen. And I’ve a stack of unfinished objects of the crochet variety that I’d like to get finished.

So there you go, that’s my bigger picture. Looking forward to hearing yours. When we’ve got an idea about what everyone wants out of this, then we’ll work out how it works. I have a whole bunch of ideas, from joining in with creative events, to encouraging each other to submit work, being beta readers, and maybe even sharing actual real life bits of art or craft.

Still up for it?

  

Opening a creative circle

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I have written stories for as long as I can remember.

I’ve never joined a writer’s group.

I’ve started drawing and painting and general art. But I’m not sure about the local art club.

And there’s knitting and sewing and crochet and spinning, costume to make and felt to, well, felt.

Creativity is something that gives me great pleasure, but I have a habit of losing focus.

At the back of my mind is this idea that if I could create a creative community around myself I could give and receive support and direction. Perhaps I could take a story from first idea to novel. Maybe I could illustrate a picture book.

(There was a self taught artist who has only been painting for two years shared on instagram’s own account today. There is no limit to where we can reach if we let our dreams lift us. )

So I have this idea that we could build a creative circle. Share our goals. Set challenges. (I have some ideas) Offer encouragement, gentle constructive criticism and support. Anyone fancy joining in? Please comment if so. And feel free to share. You don’t need to have a blog to join, just some way of sharing your work, be it photos or whatever really.

Hoping there are a few of you that think this sounds like a good idea!