I thought I’d got away with it this winter. I thought I’d managed to balance creativity and activity, outdoors and hibernating, my ups and downs and that I was going to make it through this winter without my annual crash.
I was wrong.
Yesterday was a day too far. Despite sunshine and pretty pictures (because of sunshine and pretty pictures?) I found myself paging through instagram wondering why other people have more followers, more likes, more comments.
Why do other bloggers win awards, get contracts, earn a living, get featured in magazines?
(Ignore with me, for a moment, that other bloggers are focused, determined, professional. That they work hard, network, *and* don’t actually all get there either. This isn’t a post about reality. )
I wallowed. I wailed. I ignored that being in pain for ten days with hip and back issues means I can’t sleep, can’t exercise, can’t focus. I ignored the fact that not running always leaves me lower. I tried to clean my way out of the slump (ah, because that *always* works) and ended up with a cleaner but messier kitchen. Because.
And today I have wept. But I’ve also cleaned, picked up, and tried to paint/letter myself an affirmation. Because I am enough, this moment, this day.
Because I will be better again.
Because I need to be.