Some days are Diamond

Some days are stone.

I’m working hard to shake a feeling of sadness that’s sunk right through my bones it feels. I didn’t even pick up twitter til lunchtime and I still felt like I hadn’t done enough, not been present enough. Maybe there just isn’t enough of me to go around.

Or maybe it’s just my skewed perception. Perhaps it is enough to cuddle, read, play, draw, teach, support, clothe, change, feed. And those are only the things I remember from today. There could have been more.

Or will they remember the shouting? buy cheap cialis online I try so hard not to shout, but I get so frustrated. Why do I have to say the same things over and over? Why is putting rubbish in the bin hard to remember, or washing in the washing basket? Why is don’t fight not carved in stone yet?

Am I doing it wrong? I can’t stop thinking of Jennie and Matilda Mae. I want to hold Tigerboy and never let him go. Trip to the out of hours doctor the other night was terrifying, she was understanding of my neurotic behaviour and thorough in her examination.

I’m taking him back to the doctor’s tomorrow. I’m just hoping I don’t have to go through the ridiculous new system they’ve got. Now when you ring up for an urgent appt, you get given a time that the doctor will call you, then the doctor gives you an appt to come in if necessary. But when I saw the gp on Monday he said bring him back Friday if he isn’t better, and he isn’t better.

I could do with a magic wand. Anyone got one spare?