I have been waiting since January for my children to deschool, stop watching endless CBBC or playing on mind numbing websites, for them to show and develop some interests and learn to get along instead of screeching and bickering all day.
I’ve run out of patience ๐
Maybe I don’t respond in the right way or quickly enough to expressed interests? Perhaps my purposive conversation is either not present enough or too purposive? Perhaps eight months isn’t a long enough deschooling time frame for three years of flexi school at Montessori?
Or perhaps my children just need a bit of structure and to be stretched every now and then. I’m so sold on autonomy and the theories of John Holt that I’ve felt terribly guilty this week – but not guilty enough to not impose a work requirement on the offspring.
So now, each morning, we do a bit of maths, a bit of english and something else. The something else varies from day to day, and I’ve tried to follow up on their interests. The TV is banned between the hours of 9 and 3 (would be 9 and 5, but realistically, that would mean that 3 days a week one or the other of them would see no TV and I can’t be that hard hearted). They each still have their two half hour computer slots, and if they are doing something educational/ work related, computer time extends.
And how has it worked this week?
Well, the first day Small did his work quickly and cheerfully. By the third day, he was resistant, thinking of anywhere he’d rather be and anything he’d rather be doing. Which is irritating, because when he does come in and get set to, it takes him minutes to do the amount of maths I’m asking of him, another few minutes to read a chapter of the book I bought for him as he couldn’t think what he’d like to read (The Thing from Knucker Hole (Young Hippo Adventure)), and then he tends to enjoy whatever the third part is. So he loved science, liked looking at maps, and had no problems listening to and discussing The Story of the World: Ancient Times v. 1.
Big is another story. Her maths will improve with steady practise, but we’ve discovered that her English needs work in a number of areas. And I think that is what is holding her back doing some of the other things she wants to do. So instead of doing a unit a week from Focus on Literacy: Pupil Textbook Bk.5 we’re going to do a unit every other week and concentrate on basics in between times. Handwriting, spelling, punctuation, grammar, that sort of thing. Most of the time she reads of her own accord, although she had been on strike waiting for the next book in the series she’s reading, Conspiracy (Lady Grace Mysteries). That’s arrived now, so she’s reading again on an evening.
I’d kind of assumed that a child who reads as voraciously as she does would pick up the other stuff, but she isn’t doing, so I need to target it more directly. Still really wish I could find Small’s english book so that we could do bits out of that as well. But wherever he’s put it, it’s staying hidden ๐
She loved the experiment she did this week, out of Outer Space (Funstations) I’d found. Lit candles under varying sizes of jars so that we could see what happened when the oxygen ran out. And we’d been having conversations about first ppl during the week anyway, so nomads in story of the world worked well for her.
In and amongst there was Brownies, Beavers, swimming, a not back to school picnic afternoon on the beach (fabulous weather, kids were in the sea on and off all afternoon), Tim popped to old hosue and brought back all the baby stuff so the children washed it all in the garden yesterday, oh and some blokes came round and cut down one of the hedges. Small cried. Turned out he’d really liked that hedge, even though Tim and I loathed it, and though we’d discussed removing it several times, Small hadn’t picked up on the discussions.
I’ve processed yet more bags of stuff from old house and now have large piles of clothing to process into storing. Oh, and Small had another visit to the doctors, who said that he has chronic otitis and prescribed a months worth of penicillin just in case it’s bacterial. Which apparently it probably isn’t. So am still umming and ahing over what to do about that.
This afternoon Tim and Small are at a Beavers mini Olympics – looks like Small at least is having fun.
Joxy says
Could you maybe be a little more creative with how you fit in the “structured” bits? For instance is there anything tv wise, computer wise, toy wise that could involve maths in a fun way? Could you suggest to your daughter than she keeps a diary and maybe even a blog in which she can write about her day, review the books she reads, write about trips etc?
Perhaps then small will be alittle less resistant?
Sarah says
I never had enough patience to let my lot be autonomous either – and to be honest, I don’t think it matters. Actually they seemed far happier with some structure, and I was too. Home ed has to work for *everyone* in the family, and that includes you – so it means finding a way of doing it that works for everybody.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Games night =-.
Jax says
@Joxy Big started to keep a diary a little while back, I thought I’d blogged what happened with it, but can’t find it now. Basically, it turned out that she thought that she needed to write down *everything* that happened in a day if she was going to write down anything, which meant that she rapidly fell behind and it became a huge source of stress for her, no matter how I tried to explain different approaches.
We get similar issues with pretty much anything ‘alternative’ I try – I think that she needs to build the basic skills so that she can choose what to do and it comes up to her own standards.
Similarly if I try to slip in creative ways of covering maths skills and so on, as I have done lots of times, I get resistance if they realise that I am encouraging anything. So I think it’s better to be up front with the requirements. Small does love his maths book when he settles down to it, and it usually takes him between 5 and 10 minutes to do a practise session, so I’m not exactly tying him to a desk for hours!
Jan says
My children were never going to get an autonomous education with me in charge, ๐ and when we let structure slip, eg over holidays, I do notice behaviour deteriorating. When C’s attitude was getting worse, I used to worry that it was because I was imposing too much structure, then I decided to find out what happened if I asked more of her, rather than lightening up. And I’ve found that once we get into the swing of things, and she settles into what is expected of her, it does work well. I don’t want anyone to think I’m tying her to a desk and making her do lots of stuff she hates – at the moment we have a system where we have agreed what she will do and how much we expect of her, and she ticks it off her weekly list as she goes along. She still needs chivvying to do it, but as it’s all set down in advance, it’s causing less conflict.
Nic says
I agree with Sarah – Home Ed only works well if it works for all members of the family. In our house it is me who would struggle with structure – both philosophically and in terms of actually pulling it off, and of course D and S have never had any form of structure so they would be resistant to it initially I expect too. But if I had children who were unengaged, unable to find things to entertain themselves and were clearly in need of *something* then we would reconsider.
Given how your family life has changed over the last few years and indeed is going to be changing again by the end of this year I think setting out some clear expectations and achievements with Big and Small is a great move forward for you and hopefully will restore some harmony.
Jonathan says
Timeshift whatever you all decide is the best use of their TV time?
Jonathan says
๐ to that gravatar mismatch
HelenHaricot says
yeah, hugs for the running ragged and think whatever works for you and family is worth trying.
.-= HelenHaricot´s last blog ..By: HelenJ =-.
mamacrow says
hear hear on home ed having to work for EVERYONE including the adults!
We’ve always needed a bit of structure just in family life in general as the kids – particularly the eldest two got/get somewhat anxious without.
Also did experment with free access to TV but it really didn’t work for us either – I too ran out of patience (far quicker than you did) and all were just miserable and bickery.
Also my eldest is particularly sensitive to any kind of screen -not just that he gets a bit hyper and even potentially violent, but it PHYSICALLY effects him, he looks violently ill!
I’ve never been against the odd day of getting square eyes in pjs all day, but it works better for us for it remaining as an occasional treat, or in times of illness etc.
The pattern we’ve fallen into is tv at snack time (10/11ish) after we’ve done some bits and pieces at the table, and it’s usually something to do with the month topic or some other nature documentary type thing (they all love that kinda thing anyway) there are certain programmes we like to catch at the weekends – strictly and merlin now they’ve started back up, Match of the day on a Sunday morning, family friendly Top Gear reapeats on a Friday… and we do have some cartoons of an afternoon sometimes, but tend to use dvds (thus avoiding wall to wall cartoons and/or CBEEBies propergander) and we have a sterling retro library of stuff like the Clangers, and Ivor the Engine.
Both Saurus and Roo went through a period of getting themselves in a state doing their daily diary entries and other bits and bobs, it seemed to a) not really be about the actual task at hand and b) a phase they just had to pass through, especially Saurus who’s come out of school chronically under confident in his abilities.
I find that having lots of different options to choose between – different work books (they’re all quite fond of these in different ways, different brands etc) or different projects (an ongoing story for example, or letters to a friend) and just remaining very calm and casual over it all (if possible!) both help.
.-= mamacrow´s last blog ..Semi Structured? =-.
Lins says
I love the way you describe so honestly the struggles that so many of us seem to face with this “How to do it” business of home edding. I felt I know exactly where you are coming from. All I can say at the moment is that I am “flexible” with my children and am changing my approach all the time – I suppose it means we are not stuck in a rut! The problem is not finding “interesting” things to do but having the time and space to do them at a time when everyone (including me) wants to, so I feel I have to set times when we get together to do things together (and times when the TV is off) otherwise with our busy lives it doesn’t happen. Not quite sure what “it” is, but my comment is already long enough!
Good on you anyway!
Jax says
Thanks Lins, that means a lot ๐
.-= Jax´s last blog ..nature walk and incidental learning =-.
kellyi says
I can’t do total autonomy, because it feels like I am handing too much power to the small people in the house, who haven’t the faintest idea on how to handle it, so it resorts to attempted murder in the small people ranks.
A website I have found really helpful and inspiring is this:
http://www.whiteoakschool.com/
Just reading it makes me take a deep breath and feel calmer. Hope it helps for you too x0x0.
.-= kellyi´s last blog ..for the love of a ninja =-.