I keep thinking I’ve cried about enough and then someone says something nice, or I catch the eye of another member of the family and I’m crying all over again. Then again, we did difficult things today – went to the funeral home and saw the body in a coffin. I really didn’t want to do it, but there was also no way I was letting my mother do it without at least two of us with her – I know that D her husband and my father in everything but genetics would look after her, but I was also rather worried about who would look after him. Rewind to yesterday and I threw a wobbly about the idea of them going on their own, and called in the big guns in shape of K who stopped that plan from happening.
Which all meant that I had to go this morning. In the end, what with dns issues with a domain I’d forgotten to renew (can’t think how *that* happened right now!) I was running late, but mother was running later, so we didn’t go til after lunchtime. I don’t know how long we spent there, probably not long but certainly long enough. I said my goodbyes last week in the hospital when she was lying in a bed looking like she’d just fallen asleep (the temptation to shake her hard and tell her to stop messing about was quite difficult to resist) and I didn’t have anything to say today. I didn’t have anything to put in the coffin, no letters to write, no gifts to give, so all I had to do was hold ppl who were falling apart.
I was right in thinking it was going to hit my mother hard. When we got back to J’s she took one of the tablets they gave her last week in the hospital – her own doctor said she should hang onto them and take them in need. I stuck to paracetamol myself, I just have this on and off lingering headache.
So I spent another day at J’s house, this time quite bizarrely without her as she was out at a wedding that they were photographing. This meant I could keep myself occupied making pots of tea without worrying whether I was doing it wrong, at least until Princess’s dad got there (hm, going to have to come up with a name for him, he’s going to feature a fair bit I suspect from now on) and took over as it’s always his job.
I feel for him. He’s lost when his kids aren’t there, and everyone else wants them too, they are a part of Katrin that we can hang onto. Princess in particular looks so much look her, and strops just like her too. Much like Small as well, Katrin and I had talked about it just a few weeks ago.
These blog posts aren’t getting any more coherent are they? I’ll jot in a few more notes that I want to remember then go and ramble by myself in a corner, don’t feel you need to carry on reading. Scott scored his first goal in a football tournament today, and grandad was there to see him. Princess managed to have a nose bleed – suspicion is that she picked it til it bled! She also got a new pair of shoes out of her non maternal aunt, plus a new set of reward charts. Hohum. I’m hoping they are all coming over tomorrow.
Big and Small spent yesterday with Tim and L, and a good day was had by all. Big didn’t ask to go with me today, don’t think she liked the sound of it one little bit. And I got home to be met by a dissolving Small who has suddenly realised that not being able to read is stopping him doing things. Not sure whether this will overcome his reluctance to try to read, but if he’s still up for it tomorrow I’ll take him down to school and borrow the sandpaper letters and take them back Monday morning if necessary, if this is the moment we will seize it. Or we’ll make him a salt tray, or draw them in the garden, whatever it takes. Wonder if making them in plasticine would work for him? They’ve started work on a slightly derivative story about a superhero, hope that that continues too!
Oh, and what was that all about with Doctor Who??!