It’s not supposed to be like this.

Last night, the phone rang at something past midnight. I ran for it, in the way you do when you know something isn’t right. I might even have said something to that effect as I went. It was my middle sister’s fiancee – he’s a police officer as is she. He said he had bad news, then that there had been an accident and that my baby sister had been found in the bath and taken to the hospital and they’d done everything they could but it wasn’t enough and she’d died.

I said things like No, and oh no, and I can’t get there, we’ve all been drinking (my friend Alison had come over from York for the evening and we’d had a curry and a bottle of wine) and he said I’ll come and get you.

And he did, so I spent a couple of hours at the hospital with the rest of my sisters, and Katrin’s husband, who just kept asking what he was supposed to tell her children. I don’t know. I don’t know what you tell an 11 year old and a 5 year old – apparently the 11 year old knew something had happened as he’d seen Anthony getting her out of the bath, and they both know that she has epilepsy so they’ve seen fits and so on, but I guess he’d be hoping (as you would) that it would all be alright.

And my parents are in Turkey on holiday, and can’t get back until 20 past midnight tonight (they are actually due back tomorrow, but Thomas Cook were woken up and are doing everything in their power to move it forward). I spoke to them on the phone and they seemed to be feeling guilty that they weren’t there to look after us. And we agreed that it’s not supposed to be this way.

And I irrationally wanted to twitter last night, to have you all around me virtually if I couldn’t have you in person, but it was 1 o’clock in the morning and most sane ppl were probably asleep, or at the very least not sitting with their mobile phones or by their puters. And I couldn’t think what you could put in 140 characters to cover this situation either.

Today we will be going to next sister down’s house – her husband picked up the kids last night and took them there – they were asleep when Anthony left the hospital. We got back (Ali went with me – she’s known Katrin since she was 4) some time around 3 and I’ve had a couple of hours sleep – Tim’s still sleeping. I’ve told my children this morning – they cried for a minute, and I expect they’ll cry more later when they see other ppl crying, there are going to be a lot of tears shed today. And my body is reacting by rejecting everything, so in the middle of it all I have to keep running to the toilet.

It really isn’t supposed to be like this.

About Jax Blunt

I'm the original user, Jax Blunt I've been blogging for 14 years, give or take, and if you want to know me, read me :)

Oh, and if you'd like to support my artistic endeavours, shop my photographs and art at redbubble


  1. Susannah says:

    You don’t know anything about me, but I have read your blog for a long time and I am so very sorry.

  2. Oh Jax, how awful for you all. ((((hugs)))) and thinking of you.

  3. You’re so right. It shouldn’t be like that.

    Uur warnest love to you all. You’re very much in our thoughts here.

  4. HelenHaricot says:

    jax, how very awful. lots of hugs and condolences for you and family. i am so sorry to hear this. not sane, so always a good chance you will catch me at ‘puter at 1.
    just don’t know what to add, except you can always phone/twitter and email. hugs again.

  5. ((((((Jax and family))))))))) so so so sorry.

  6. Oh Jax I am so sorry. ((((Hugs)))) to all of you.

  7. That’s awful, Jax. I’m so sorry.

  8. I was awake.

    Oh Jax, i am so very, very sorry. I know that nothing will make it okay, not even anything any of the people who love you can say or do, but we will all be here for you and i for one am thinking of you every second and willing strength into you and all your family for all the things you have to go through together now and all the change you have to face.

    I remember only too well what a desperate event like this does to a family; turn towards each other, no matter what any one says in a desperate moment, just keep turning towards each other.


  9. Oh Jax, I am so sorry to read your tragic news. :o(

  10. Sending you all the strength and warmth and love that I can. Thinking of you all. (((((hugs)))))

  11. Oh Jax. I remember well the physical reactions and emotional roller coaster we went through when my brother died. Very different circumstances but still out of the blue and such a shock.
    Thinking of you all and offering what virtual support we can through the ether.

  12. I’m so sorry petal. I’m sending everything I can to you and your family. BIG hugs to you all.

  13. adding love here too, so sorry to hear this. (((Jax and family)))

  14. and just sending extra love for her children as someone who knows what it’s like to lose a mum so young, just be honest with them, it’s the best thing.

  15. so sorry Jax. sending you all lots of love and hugs.

  16. Andrea & Ron says:

    No, it’s never supposed to me like this. we’re so very, very sorry.

  17. t-bird anni says:

    no, it’s not supposed to be like that πŸ™ Brackets seem a bit pathetic at a time like this but in lieu of being able to provide anything better I guess they’ll do
    ((((Jax adn family))))

  18. You’re right, it isn’t supposed to be that way, but then again, it’s never, ever easy. Keep your family close and know that your friends in cyber land are sending hugs.

  19. Michelle says:

    Really sorry to hear this Jax. Have many hugs. xxxxxxx

  20. You sound a wonderful family who will help her husband and children to keep her memory alive for you all.

  21. So sorry to hear this tragic news, hugs to all.

  22. Oh Jax that’s dreadful, I’m so sorry. Sending lots of love to you & the rest of the family.

  23. So sorry to hear such dreadful sad news Jax. Much love from us xxxx

  24. I am so sorry to hear this Jax. Lots of love for you and your family.

  25. Oh how absolutely sickeningly awful. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family.

  26. So sorry to hear this Jax.Sending love and hugs to you all xx

  27. So very sorry Jax.Sending love and hugs for all of you.xxxxxxxxxx

  28. Terrible news (((((Jax))))) πŸ˜₯

  29. Three years later (June 2011) and it still hurts, of course it does. Sending you virtual support, love, Rachel
    MIdlife Singlemum recently posted…SilentSundayMy Profile

  30. Morning, just read your post, there are no words, but my thoughts are with you and your family.

  31. I cried when I read this. I don’t know what to say to help. But I can send you massive hugs. X

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