Making It Up

as we go along

Reinvention

by 1 Comment

sketch of a hand with middle two fingers bent down and held by thumb, index and little finger pointing out. Actual hand in same position next to sketch

Over the last year and a half, I’ve been to-ing and fro-ing to a whole bunch of medical professionals, starting with the GP, and taking in physios, rheumatologists, an orthopaedic surgeon and most recently, an occupational therapist in the hand therapy team.

I’ve had xrays, blood tests, an ultrasound, nerve conduction studies and so many conversations about pain. I’ve tried a wide variety of painkillers, exercises, splints, neoprene bandages, balms, heat pads, cold water….

and the thing that has been most constant has been pain.

The pain is not always only in my hands. Sometimes it spreads up my arms and lands in my elbows. (Today my left elbow is particularly recalcitrant. This may be stress related. It’s been a bit of a monday.) From quite early on in the process it became apparent that continuing in charity retail wasn’t really an option. But there were debates over what kind of work I could do. If the issue was carpal tunnel then typing would potentially aggravate it.

But having dismissed osteoarthritis because it didn’t show up on the x-rays, the latest health professional thinks that it is that, and that we just x-rayed too soon. And as such working on a keyboard might even actually be good for me, because it will keep my hands active and limber without weight bearing.

And so back to blogging. And writing. I’m exploring technical writing as a career step, and it feels like it draws together so many strands of my working life. It pulls in my developer career and leans on my coding and documentation experience. It would involve my problem solving – you have to understand that which you’re going to explain. And it would require communication skills and creativity, to put forward the right versions of things to the right audiences, consistently, clearly.

I’m pretty sure it would be fun.

I’ve refreshed my CV, highlighted my skills, looked into software (things like MadcapFlare and Confluence, and read up on things like single source authoring. Now what I need is to find a role. The perfect one for me will be out there somewhere, yes?

Post 1 of #100DaysToOffload. The aim is to post 100 times on a personal blog within a year.

Did I mention that I’m tired?

by 1 Comment

I am tired.

I went to the physio today, as advised by the GP two weeks ago, to request referral to the hand therapy team. The physio thinks the GP is supposed to do that referral, and also that the meds change could take months to make a difference.

And I tried to point out that the hands are just one part of a rolling pattern of joint problem and pain and I got told that carpal tunnel can cause elbow and even shoulder pain, so that’s still what we need to sort first.

So I walked down to the beach and watched the waves and then this afternoon I walked some more, in my sensible, supportive walking skies, and now my left foot is cramping and painful and somehow I don’t think that’s carpal tunnel.

Separately, I’ve been talking about how, when you’re autistic, one of the difficulties you can have is framing the problem you’re experiencing in a way that explains is to the right people who can help you with that. And spending over a year getting nowhere solving issues with my hands (and arms, and now it would appear my foot) feels like its part and parcel of that.

The health system is set up to solve individual problems, it’s not particularly holistic.

And the benefits system is similar, so if you’re having problems working, there’s one route for financial support if it’s a short term problem, and another if it’s a long term disability, and if you’ve got some of the issues but not quite enough you aren’t going to get that much support.

Which leads to an increase in anxiety, but the GP doesn’t deal with that, that’s the wellbeing service and so there I am, explaining myself again to another helpful person.

So far this patchwork of support has passed me to and fro like a slightly hot potato, juggled and battered in the process. And with nowhere yet to rest.

I can’t help feeling there could be a more efficient way to do all of this.

Did I mention that I’m tired?

Rhythms, routines and 21 rituals.

by 5 Comments

I’m pretty sure I’ll have talked on this site before about rhythms, and routines, but probably not that much about rituals. That’s because up until this week, they haven’t been a large part of my life. But on Thursday afternoon, browsing the library while Smallest was at art club, I came across Theresa Cheung: 21 Rituals to change your life.

(Also available at Amazon affiliate both new and secondhand.)

As I usually do with non fiction, I scanned the first few pages right there in the library. It was this paragraph in the introduction that made me borrow it.

Most of us have absolutely no idea that what we repeatedly do creates our everyday experience. We think our future is shaped by big events, decisions we make, thoughts we have, and opinions of others, but this book will show that it is your daily actions that are the golden key. Pay close attention to what you actually do every day, and see your life transform.

I’ve come across the various types of self help guide that say all you need is affirmations. Instagram accounts that earnestly tell you all you need to do is chant “I do not chase, I attract. What is meant for me will simply find me.”

Hm. I’m really not quite sure how that is supposed to work.

But the rituals book, while having an undercurrent of what I would call ‘woo’, also has a good strand of practicality. And I’m open to the idea that if you line everything up with your intentions and actions, it makes it easier for the universe to give you a helping hand 😉

I brought the book home, and as I often do, shared pics on insta (and therefore other social media). And was really surprised that it seemed to chime with a few people, several of whom decided they would try to get hold of the book and join in.

I’ve started a facebook group so that we can work together to support each other, it’s here if you want a look. And I’m working gradually to build the rituals into my day – some are easier than others!

The morning batch are a good way to start the day.

  • wake up earlier
  • Stretch instead of reaching for your phone
  • Ask yourself one simple question
  • Just breathe
  • Smile in the mirror
  • See the finish line
  • Tune in

By earlier, I’m going for anything before 10.30. (Yeah, I know, not exactly early, but one small step at a time.)
The stretch instead of reaching for your phone is really good. It completely changes my focus on the day.

My sticking point at the moment is the one simple question, because every time I see this prompt, I go all Dirty Harry, and that’s not quite where we’re supposed to be coming from. The book suggests Steve Jobs – If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today? – but I don’t find this a very practical or inspiring way to think about things.

No, I wouldn’t want to spend the last day of my life washing up and wrangling a 9 year old through some maths questions.

But at the same time, looking after my family and spending time with my children? Not so bad.

All about framing.

But I’m still working on the question.

Thoughts?

Cytonic by Brandon Sanderson

by Leave a Comment

Disclosure – links to bookshop.org on this blog are affiliate links. Other booksellers are available.
Cytonic blog tour poster

Today I’m really pleased to be taking part in the Cytonic blog tour for the latest instalment in the Skyward series by Brandon Sanderson.

Spensa’s life as a Defiant Defense Force pilot has been far from ordinary.

She proved herself one of the best starfighters in the human enclave of Detritus and she saved her people from extermination at the hands of the Krell – the enigmatic alien species that has been holding them captive for decades. What’s more, she travelled light-years from home as a spy to infiltrate the Superiority, where she learned of the galaxy beyond her small, desolate planet home. Now, the Superiority – the governing galactic alliance bent on dominating all human life – has started a galaxy-wide war. And Spensa has seen the weapons they plan to use to end it: the Delvers. Ancient, mysterious alien forces that can wipe out entire planetary systems in an instant.

Spensa knows that no matter how many pilots the DDF has, there is no defeating this predator.

Except that Spensa is Cytonic. She faced down a Delver and saw something eerily familiar about it. And maybe, if she’s able to figure out what she is, she could be more than just another pilot in this unfolding war. She could save the galaxy. The only way she can discover what she really is, though, is to leave behind all she knows and enter the Nowhere. A place from which few ever return.

To have courage means facing fear. And this mission is terrifying.

I’m not quite sure how I’d managed to go so long without reading Brandon Sanderson books – but somehow they’d passed me by. Until I was sent the first in this series, Skyward which I absolutely loved. It’s a real ripping SF adventure yarn which absolutely rockets along, and I thoroughly enjoyed. In fact, if you’re looking for Christmas gifts for teen SF readers, you really can’t go far wrong with this set, and they’re also really good looking books too.

The only problem I have with them now is the same that I have with all hefty books, and that’s holding them for any length of time, as my poor hands just can’t really cope with weight. Just as well I’m a fast reader and these are fast reads, so I don’t tend to end up hanging on to them for too long.

I’m really enjoying keeping up with Spensa’s adventures, and the development of this world, and I definitely recommend taking a look!

Don’t forget to check out the other bloggers mentioned on the tour poster above to see what they’ve got to say about it all.

Minecraft for good

by 4 Comments

Have set up a tiltify so that I can fundraise for Battersea while figuring out minecraft (which I keep typing as micecraft) and streaming.

There’s not much there yet, but coming soon…

donate to Minecraft for the confused

First things first, you have to buy minecraft. Beware, there are multiple versions. I’m reliably told that the java edition is what I needed so I headed to minecraft.net to buy that.

(And then I had to fight with the website, which presented itself in Korean for no apparent reason, but I was successful, and now I own minecraft. You’ll need a microsoft account to buy it, and there is more weirdness if you’re under 18, but I’m not, so we’ll sail past that for now.)

Once you’ve bought minecraft you have to download and install the launcher. Panic not if everything seems to vanish – there’s probably a little block somewhere down in your taskbar, go find it and click.

You will then have to login with your microsoft account, and click play, and download a whole bunch more stuff.

(I probably should have advised tea before you started all of this. I got tea, but then I’m used to setting up computer software.)

***

A small interlude follows while I run around a minecraft world trying to work out what (NotSo)SmallTeen is doing, and doing it all badly and more slowly than him….

(we should have been streaming. I think it would have been hilarious for anyone and everyone.)

***

And now, dinner.