Two birds with one stone – the MADs and my own Lovely blog awards.

Posted on Fri Apr 20 2012 by Jax

Recently I was given a Lovely Blog award by Anne-Marie at Child Led Chaos. (Great blog name. Fabulous.) And tomorrow the nomination phase of the MADs blog of the year awards 2012 closes. So I decided I would kill two birds with one stone, work out which blogs I’d give my Lovely Blog award to, and nominate them for the MADs as well. If you haven’t nominated and you’re lacking inspiration, feel free to borrow these suggestions. (Note, there are more categories than I’m supposed to give Lovely Blog Awards to. Tough!)

Diary of a Benefit Scrounger. This is the blog that opened my eyes to the welfare benefit changes. It’s the blog that made me think about how it could be me suffering the way she is suffering, my children woken up in the middle of the night and foisted off on friends, not knowing when or even if their mother would return. It made me think about how I would feel if I had to depend on benefits. And it made me campaign for the spartacus report. I’m nominating Sue for MADs Blog of the Year.

The post that launched the spartacus report on an unsuspecting House of commons, took social media by storm and was featured in newspapers and on the news. I support the Spartacus Report gets nominated for Blog Post of the Year

They may be temporarily drawing a line under their wanderings, but the wonderers are utterly inspirational. They’ve gone from being an ordinary family of four living in a normal house near the sea, to downsizing, working their way around the country living in a camper van and now the next stage of their adventure is a move to a croft on Rum. I’m nominating the Wandering Wonderers for Best Family Travel Blog

Adele has been utterly up front with her difficulties sustaining breastfeeding, and her journey has had my heart in my mouth more than a few times. Circus Queen gets my Best MAD Baby Blog

My mate Rachel at Tales from the Village has had a tough year. But she’s always gorgeous, so here I’m putting her up for Best MAD Blog Photography

Jane from northern mum with southern children can bring tears to your eyes, of laughter, or pure emotion. So she’s getting my Best MAD Blog Writer nod.

If you haven’t come across Camille Bijou at Lightly Enchanted, you have a treat in store. I love her stories and crafts and home education style. I wish I was half as creative. Best MAD Craft Blog

I’m giving this next one to Anne-Marie at Child Led Chaos. Her blog is a fabulous archive of what she gets up to with her children, and inspirational too. Best MAD Family Fun Blog

Merry at Patch of Puddles has been my online friend for years. We’ve blogged together since May 2003, and her blog is nothing if not a story of their life through ups and downs, thick and thin. How could I put forward anyone else for Best MAD Family Life Blog?

I love Hannah’s blog at Home Baked Online. Recipes, crafts, thrift, she shares the lot. Her photos are beautiful, her crafts inspirational, her writing clear and calming. I find her blog to be an oasis that I enjoy turning to in the madness of day to day life. Nominated for Best MAD Food Blog

I know I’m stretching the challenge here, when I put forward Another Goldfish for Best MAD Home Blog. The anonymous Goldfish doesn’t have children yet, but she blogs about the family she hopes she will have and how they are building a low carbon lifestyle to welcome them into. I wish I had her eye for crafts and decoration!

Kate from the Five Fsis one of the most authentic and honest bloggers I know. And if you’re looking for meal plans, she’s a good place to start ;) Nominated for Best MAD Schooldays Blog

Elaine from Littlesheep learning is something I’d love to sit down and share a cuppa with. The best we’ve managed so far is twitter chats. But I enjoy her writing and conversation and so I’m putting her forward for Best MAD Small Business Blog

Melaina at Transatlantic Blonde is feisty, feminist and fashionable. Someone who can tempt me to join a What I wore linky has got to be my nomination for Best MAD Fashion Blog

Liz at Missie Lizzie B hosts the most inspirational linky of her experiences with charity shops, and is ever there on twitter to chat as well. A shooin for Best MAD Thrifty Blog
I hope.

I’m hoping that I’ve understood the categories here, and that this nomination will stand, as I’d love for my expat friend at Midlife Single Mum to win an award. So I’m putting her up for Best New MAD Blog

Emma has had a rough ride with her second pregnancy, moving house, suffering all kinds of health scares, and surviving Hyperemesis Gravida (no, I’ve no idea if I’ve spelt that right.) Despite that she’s blogged at Me the man and the baby throughout. Nominated for Best Pregnancy Blog

Susan K Mann is a book blogger, reviewer and parent. She’s also a fellow IT personage, and despite issues with her own health, is often to be found on twitter, talking ppl through problems with blogs or computers. Easy to choose her to nominate for Most Helpful MAD Blogger

Most Inspirational MAD Blog – always and ever the wonderful Josie at Sleep is for the Weak.

How could the person behind the first UK Women’s blogging conference not get this? Sian at Geek is new Chic, you’re my nom for Most Innovative MAD Blog

Please, if I haven’t mentioned/ nominated you, don’t be offended. Squishing my choices into the MADs categories limited my options in a number of places! And if I’ve brought some new blogs to your notice, feel free to enjoy them, and let them know how you got there :) If you haven’t nominated, you’ve less than an hour to go, get over there.

MAD Blog Awards 2012

To those I have nominated, I’m giving you the Lovely Blog award regardless of whether you get a MAD or not. Please feel free to pass it on to 15 (or so) bloggers of your choice :)

Posted in It's where it is | 18 Comments

Butlins: Breakfasts, Bob and Balloons.

Posted on Thu Apr 19 2012 by Jax

I know I’ve been blogging quite a bit recently. I also know that I’ve actually rather a backlog of posts, and so I apologise for drowning you in multiple posts a day, but any chance I get near a keyboard, I’m going to be banging them out.

Today I’m whisking you all the way back to a windy weekend in February, when I loaded up the three children and bump I had at that point, and headed for Bognor Regis and Butlins. The plan was for dp to stay home and deal with the kitchen floor – iirc correctly he instead spent the weekend suffering from a ricked back :(

We, however, had a great time.

The run to Butlins was not good. It involved the M25 and the Dartford tunnel on a Friday afternoon. I did begin to worry that we wouldn’t arrive in time for a meal :( In the event it was fine, and I was very very pleased to pull into the somewhat busy carpark right in front of the hotel, and stagger in to check in. From the start it became apparent that all the staff go the extra mile to help you out – and they all do it with a smile. I would have to say that the staff are Butlins greatest asset, you never get that sense that they are doing you a favour as you occasionally can in hotels, instead they are all real ppl, doing a job that they seem to enjoy. Which makes the stay that bit more pleasant.

There was a very nice chap who helped me fetch the luggage from the car and whisk it up to our room in the disco lift. The ladies on the front desk (who as far as I could tell never sleep!) explained how I needed to book a time for our meals, and showed us the DVDs that you can borrow free for a £10 deposit. We did a lot of that ;)

Because the one drawback to Butlins is the amount of stuff on offer. An odd drawback you might think, for my children found it slightly overstimulating almost, and I managed that with frequent DVD sessions in our room on the excellent large TV. It made the weekend rather more restful for me – although removing cooking and washing up helped a huge amount with that.

granola and coffee

Our highlights? For me, the breakfasts. I really really liked not having to get up, sort everyone else out before I got to sit down with food. And I particularly liked the granola and yoghurt things. Although chasing them down with hash browns and fried eggs worked even better ;)

For Smallest, I think it was the funfair. It turned out she really really really likes carousels. But only if she can ride on the horses. First time we went on we were in one of the carriages as it was thought she wasn’t tall enough – after that we measured her carefully and discovered she was big enough to ride in front of me. Which we did a couple of times, though I struggled to get on and off.

carousel

It also turns out it’s quite difficult to take pictures of your child sitting in front of you when you’re using a camera phone and on a moving horse. Ah well.

I should have had videos to share with you too. But I gave them to Small to edit into a montage, and he managed to create a devastating computer crash that we’ve yet to recover them from :( I still live in hope.

Big enjoyed the dodgems. And the two ppl bikes. Turns out that if you’re in the Ocean hotel as we were you get a free voucher for a family bike hire – we used it on our last morning. That would be one of my tips, check all the leaflets and guides carefully so you don’t miss out on that sort of thing like we very nearly did.

For Small? I think he enjoyed the funfair. He certainly enjoyed the room and the large TV and the DVDs. We worked our way through several, including Astro Boy, which he really enjoyed. (I preferred Avatar tbh.) And on the Sunday we went offsite and met up with a couple of twitter friends of mine and he hit it off with one of their sons, which never happens. Must do something about getting them together, at least virtually, if I can.

So, do I like Butlins? I do. I’d definitely recommend the Ocean Hotel. The family rooms are fantastic – with a little room off the main corridor with a separate TV. The main room area is generously proportioned, and has TV and coffee making facilities and a little fridge, ideal for those middle of the evening snack times. I found it a definite respite from our day to day life, although if I’d known how close I was to giving birth, I might have thought twice about driving quite so far away from home on my own. But I didn’t know, so we got our weekend away. And next time there will be four children, so I think that means we’ll have to try a different type of accommodation – don’t think the hotel rooms go up to 6!

ps the balloons? And Bob? Bob is a stage show. Smallest loved it. We had to bribe her away from it with a green worm we won in one of those grab machines. And the balloons – there was a lady making balloon animals, or flowers or swords on our last evening meal in the restaurant. So as you can imagine, we ended up with one of each. Entertainment and sustainance. Fabulous.

Disclosure: As a Butlins Mums Ambassador I receive two free Butlins stays, on condition that I blog and tweet. All opinions remain, as ever, my own.

Posted in It's where it is, review | 1 Comment

Back to a routine? History etc anyway

Posted on Wed Apr 18 2012 by Jax

Yesterday evening we performed a minor miracle and I arrived at an intended destination for an overnight stay within half an hour of the time I wanted to. Well, it’s a miracle for me and mine anyway ;) perhaps because I was less stressed, the children were happier than usual and the evening passed by without a single falling out, a not so minor miracle!

And today was history. Four families gathered, and two very new ppl got to meet each other. Was lovely to meet the newest puddle chick! Big was very happy to see Fran, and when Smallest got over the shock of a changed haircut, she was too.

History was about Marco Polo and Mongol hordes. We started with the children in a group taking it in turns to read aloud chapters of Marco Polo (Junior World Explorers). They then went on to draw their own maps and write about fabulous journeys, either real or imaginary.

Other activities included Mongol hats courtesy of the beans, rather excellent food from Zoe and magic tablets, fimo based, from Merry. (links and pictures to follow when I’m not phone based !) All the children had a fab day, and there were no arguments or tantrums, quite extraordinary when you consider that all of my offspring were so tired that they fell asleep on the car on the way home, something that nearly never happens any more.

There was also plenty of time for socialising for adults and children, and all in all, it was an excellent day, rounded off by a smooth journey home and a sneaky McDs for tea. Happiness all round.

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I have sad news

Posted on Tue Apr 17 2012 by Jax

long time readers of this blog will know of our chequered history with household appliances. There was the tesco toaster. The kettle saga. And of course, the incident of the cat in the toaster.

Sadly, this week, the toaster in the above post, which had given us long and honourable service once de-moused, went pht. (Apparently elsewhere on this blog that is spelt Fut. I think you’re wrong there dearest.) Dramatically, and determinedly, and it appears, not to be resuscitated. I’ve been advised to get in touch with Dualit, who are supposed to make sturdier devices than this, after all, it’s only lasted 6 and a half years so far.

It’s not been a good year for household appliances, fixtures and fittings. There was the radiator, only a year old, that fired water all over the place. The vax that we inherited appears to have stopped circulating shampoo. And as Tim hoovered up the inefficient stain removing stuff that I tried to rescue the carpet with, the cylinder hoover gave up.

It deserved an honourable retirement – Tim thinks he’s had it 20 years. I voted for replacing it with a cylinder upright, maybe with the concession of a handheld vacuum cleaner for those difficult to reach corners. Instead, Tim found a local shop that stocked a replacement part for the plastic joint that had snapped, and now we have a shiny metal part and perhaps a hoover which will last another 20 years.

‘Cos you can’t buy them like that any more. We live in a frighteningly disposable society, and as a family, we don’t like it. We’d prefer not to be contributing to the vast piles of rubbish everywhere, and if you don’t know why, it’s partly down to watching the Story of Stuff.

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My rose in spring

Posted on Mon Apr 16 2012 by Jax

image

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Silent Sunday 15th April 2012

Posted on Sun Apr 15 2012 by Jax


Silent Sunday

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Is Google really the only game in town?

Posted on Sat Apr 14 2012 by Jax

Tonight on twitter I caught the buzz about someone losing their google pagerank, due to having had normal links (ie not no follow) in sponsored posts. Hard on the heels of that discussion there was a groundswell of questions. What is pagerank? Why does it matter? What’s a nofollow link anyway*? And so on. And I went on to have an interesting chat about where traffic for blogs come from anyway.

You see, I’m not that convinced that Google and its pagerank are all that important for blogs. Sure, if you want to sell advertising, most companies are probably going to check what your pagerank is, but if you aren’t, why would you be bothered?

Would you be worried about losing your google derived traffic? Does it deliver you good, interested, dedicated blog followers?

It’s my suspicion that most traffic to blogs from search engines falls into two categories. There are the ppl who arrive at a single clearly targeted post – such as for example my camping list. For a while that ranked top of google’s search for a camping list, I think it’s still on the first page. And I’m sure for most ppl it’s quite a useful resource. However, if they are looking for camping resources I doubt the rest of the somewhat eclectic ramblings here interest them, and I assume they are in the portion of traffic which bounces away again.

The rest of the search related traffic is probably slightly surprised at where they find themselves. For whatever reason a post here is thrown up as a good match for what they are looking for, when it manifestly isn’t, and they probably bounce immediately.

Bounce rate is another thing we’re told to worry about. But actually, for a blog, a high bounce rate isn’t so bad. After all, you hope most ppl are passing by regularly, so there should only be one new post for them to read, they read it and then bounce away. You’re looking for a reasonable percentage of recurring visitors, and ppl who’ve arrived from a search engine probably aren’t going to join in with them.

If you’re looking at your stats, there are all sorts of interesting things in there. You can find out what percentage of visitors are new, or which come back. You can find out how long they tend to stay on site, where they come from (around the world), where they came from (referring site). My top referring site is twitter – measure of how much time I spend on there I suspect. But I also get a good number of visitors from posts I write on other sites, such as Emma’s Diary blog. (What, you haven’t read it? But I’m scintillating on there. Rivetting. Pop over and check :) )

And there are other useful places to pick up traffic. Stumbleupon. Pinterest. Facebook. Social networks with user generated links, entirely possibly delivering better quality traffic thaqn search engines? Ever wondered why google is putting so much effort into g+? It’s because they suspect social is the future of the web, and in that world, how is pagerank going to be relevant at all?

*It’s a link that has rel=”nofollow” in it, telling search engines they shouldn’t give weighting to it.

Posted in Blogging, It's where it is, Technology, social media | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

I’d just like to say

Posted on Fri Apr 13 2012 by Jax

3.81kg. Or 8lb 6oz, whichever you prefer. Either way, the hv was quite happy, and suitably horrified at my hospital take of woe.

And now, the boy is hungry again. So goodnight.

Posted in It's where it is | 8 Comments

Looking for sleep solutions.

Posted on Thu Apr 12 2012 by Jax

In the early days of a new baby you don’t expect sleep. You hope for it, but you don’t expect it. Or at least, I don’t. I’ve never had a child that’s been what you’d call a good sleeper. I think small was for a few weeks, but then deteriorated and didn’t sleep through til he was 18 months.

Tigerboy is taking this to extremes. I timed him last night. From a two breast feed, deeply asleep to wide awake 8 minutes after he was put down. Basically he wants to sleep in my arms, although he will accept the car seat our the sling. None of these things are a solution for me getting any rest at night.

Today it reached a peak. He had a crying fit at lunchtime and nothing I could do stopped it. I ended up putting him in the sleep bit of his bounce and sleep and running out to cry in the bathroom while Big took over and he eventually calmed down.

So I’m exploring solutions. I’m going to ring our osteopath and ask her about cranial osteopathy in case there is some tension in his head or neck that is giving him problems. The ever helpful Daddynatal sent me a link to a video on safe swaddling that I’m considering, wondering if that will help. And if I had a couple of hundred pounds spare and somewhere to put it I’d be very tempted by a baby nest or hammock, as I’ve heard good things about them too. Basically I’m at the try anything stage, too exhausted to do anything though.

Anyone got any miracle solutions for me?

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Happy Feet Two – an extra family film night

Posted on Tue Apr 10 2012 by Jax

Last week, as regular readers will know, was a bit traumatic. So managing to spend happy family time together was even more important than usual, and I was quite pleased to have this film for review from Warner Bros.

To be honest, all I was hoping for was something that we could all watch without major negotiation or anyone storming off in a huff, and I was really pleased when it turned out that it was much better than that. Smallest was engrossed but not scared – she’s going through a nervous stage, but it tends to be of things that look odd, she doesn’t pick up on characters in peril fortunately. Small was captivated by the krill side story, and cracked up by their dialogue (a quote about a momentary relief from the existential terror of existence was so good it had to be replayed!). Both Big and I enjoyed the main story with all its twists and turns, most especially the music. Even dp was impressed by the singing, particularly Gloria, and let’s face it, who wouldn’t be?

So, as a family movie to suit all ages from 2 to 12 and a couple of slightly older adults, I’d have to say this absolutely hit the mark. And I completely deny any allegations of emotional reaction – why on earth would anyone cry over animated penguins in peril? They absolutely wouldn’t. So I obviously didn’t, ok?

Posted in It's where it is, review | 1 Comment

The Lost Wife by Alyson Richman

Posted on Tue Apr 10 2012 by Jax


I read this last week I think, and meant to write it up immediately, but I’m actually rather glad I didn’t. Letting it sit in my mind has made me realise what a powerful story it is – usually books slip away from me quite rapidly, but instead I’ve found myself returning to some of the scenes and images over and over. Which is a triumph in itself, I don’t generally visualise as I’m reading, but the book is about an artist and some of the images described have settled themselves into my mind.

The book is set during the second world war, and as seems rather a theme atm, is not one I would recommend to anyone pregnant or likely to be emotionally affected by pregnancy issues. (trying to give warnings without spoilers!) It tells the story of Jews within a city ghetto, and as you may imagine, is not a light read. For all that though, it’s not overwhelmingly depressing either, there are glimmers of light, love and hope throughout.

I was peculiarly disappointed to discover that some of the story features real ppl – I think in a way I felt let down that some of it wasn’t purely down to the author if that makes sense. Certainly not disappointed enough to feel cheated though, I can imagine that this may be a book I revisit in a year or two, and discover more to it then.

An author to watch I feel.

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I’m getting obsessed with weight.

Posted on Tue Apr 10 2012 by Jax

My weight loss, Tigerboy’s weight gain. Not that I’ve been anywhere to have him weighed again, I’m just concentrating on feeding him as much as possible. Which makes doing anything else kind of difficult.

Today I haven’t even managed to get dressed. I’ve done computer games with smallest and crocheted her a bunny while feeding, so at least I’ve been a little productive, but overall I’ve sat in a chair so long I’ve got a numb backside.

This had all better count for something.

Posted in It's where it is | 6 Comments

Croc and Bird by Alexis Deacon

Posted on Mon Apr 9 2012 by Jax


We have a new favourite picture book of the moment. It’s the wonderfully simple Croc and Bird. I’ve read other reviews of this as quirky and unusual, which I suppose it could be, but I thought of it more in terms of family. Your family isn’t necessarily your blood relations. They are the ppl you grow up with, that you learn from and influence, and in this family, the brothers may be very different, but they each benefit from the relationship.

I love it, and so does Smallest. There are books that I resent having to read repeatedly, this is one I reach for. I enjoy the illustrations, like the humour and adore the underlying message. Definitely a keeper.

Disclosure: this book was supplied free for the purpose of review.

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Silent Sunday 8th April 2012

Posted on Sun Apr 8 2012 by Jax

image

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I failed.

Posted on Sat Apr 7 2012 by Jax

I missed a day blogging.

In my defence, I achieved so many other things. I spent lots of time snuggling and feeding tigerboy. I went out shopping, and got Easter gifts. I beat dp at words with friends (a huge achievement I assure you!)

I crocheted two rounds of my work in progress, watched a whole episode of season one of Buffy (don’t you have an elsewhere to be? Classic), cooked, ate, washed and washed up. But I forgot to blog.

This was mainly because I lost track of time and didn’t realise it was tomorrow.

Ah well. Maybe some other year I’ll manage to post every day. When I don’t have more important things to do. Right now, children are really my priority.

Seems I haven’t completely lost perspective after all.

Posted in It's where it is | 17 Comments

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Posted on Fri Apr 6 2012 by Jax

No, not inconceivable. (Though go to the top of the class for recognising the Princess Bride quote. Bonus point if you know which character says it ;) )

In this case, the word is Average. It gets bandied about lots. In discussion of children’s school achievement. Talking about pay scales. It is so often abused in the news. And this week, I’ve allowed health professionals to beat me with it as though it were a stick.

Average weight gain for a breastfed baby is 30g (or 1 oz – which isn’t the same even though she used them interchangeably) proclaimed the doctor on Tuesday night. So we need to weigh him on Thursday and see that he’s putting weight on, 60 g. Put aside for the moment that their scales weren’t that accurate and let’s think about what this means.

This means that they are expecting the average weight gain to occur every day for two days. Even though the baby they are looking at isn’t average to start off with – he’s small. Even though average does not imply in any way, shape or form, daily. Instead what this means is that if you measure a sample of babies over a period of time, add the weight gains up, divide by the number of babies and the length of time, that’s where the 30g comes from. (I assume. There are other ways you could get to it I suppose, but that seems like a sensible approach to me. Actually I went searching. Kellymom has a different set of measurements that seem much more appropriate and reached in a very sensible way)

What it doesn’t mean is that all babies will achieve this every day. In fact, it’s pretty much guaranteed that very few of them will. Kind of like if you look for an average height 12 year old in a class of them, you won’t necessarily find any child of that height. (My own 12 year old is the height of an average 14 year old. Intriguing, eh? And she was a slightly small baby.) So what was I thinking when I agreed with the doctor yesterday that there should be a weight gain of around 200 grams by next Friday?

I was thinking that a highly trained professional ought to know what he was talking about. I was thinking that he is supposed to be there to first do no harm. Not that he was ticking boxes, causing stress (which works against breastfeeding and indeed good parenting), and had absolutely no good reason to suggest that 200g was a reasonable weight gain for this child, this week.

Now, it’s entirely possible that he could gain that weight. He’s done more than that before. But it’s also entirely possible that while being healthy and well fed he won’t achieve the bizarre target of the average. And at that point, if all is well, if he’s alert, happy, growing, and still filling nappies with gay abandon (which trust me, he’s doing at the moment) I hope you will all remind me to tell any nosey parker unsupportive health professional to take a running jump.

Average indeed.

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Dalani winners – congratulations all round.

Posted on Thu Apr 5 2012 by Jax

The winner of the £50 voucher from my blog was Kris Wilcox, while Dalani have announced the two winners of £250 vouchers as

· Kate Rampersad who commented on All Baby Advice; and

· Rhoda who commented on White Lily Green

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We’re here again – hospital adventure part two.

Posted on Thu Apr 5 2012 by Jax

10.38. Today’s nurse didn’t seem to care whether we ended up sitting with a bunch of possibly infectious children til I pointed it out, so now we’re in a room at least. No cot, so again I’m pleased I brought the car seat in. We’re on the appt board today, name spelt wrong obviously, so at least there appears to be a plan. Not that anyone is carrying it out.

This place just seems to be disorganised, without anyone having a real clue what is going on.

10.50 nurse came to weigh him, and took us to scales that only display one decimal point. Pointed out that they won’t even show up the weight gain the doctor is looking for and then dissolved in tears, about not knowing what is going on, and the doctor saying giving up breastfeeding and just everything. Returned extremely promptly to my room without weighing him and nurse gone in search of a doctor to explain what is happening.

11.05 We finally see a doctor. Who seemed completely uninterested in seeing Tigerboy, and was very much there to see me. Apparently all the blood test results were back and absolutely normal, so it’s felt he has breastmilk jaundice. I quoted a figure of 10% of breastfed babies still being jaundiced at 1 month, doctor didn’t know :( What he was concerned about was the slow weight gain – both doctors appeared to be convinced that breastfed babies put on a steady 30g (or 1 oz – which is it then??) a day, which is not my understanding of how it works at all. At this stage I pointed out (again, having already mentioned it to the nurse) that the scales they are using don’t go that accurate. He didn’t seem to know anything about that, saying that as long as his weight hadn’t dropped he was happy for us to go home and continue with feeding.

Lots of questions about feeding, again the suggestion that I express so that I can see what he’s getting. It disturbs me that so many health professionals seem to know so little about feeding and the mechanics of it that they recommend expressing as a first response instead of recommending that you see an expert who can evaluate the feeding.

Nevertheless we did the weighing (heartstopping moment when the scale looked to be reading 3.5 which would have been a loss, then it went back to 3.6. Phew.) and then we were cleared to go home.

11.44 after a feed (obviously) going home.

This whole experience has been demoralising and stressful. The doctor I saw on Tues night seemed to be implying there was a high risk of something seriously wrong – today’s just as obviously knew all was fine. Which made me very cross that he’d left me worrying, and dragged me up to the hospital just to weigh Tigerboy on scales not suitable for the purpose, costing me fuel, parking and time, meaning we missed Smallest’s swimming lesson too. Not to mention the NHS time and resources that were wasted.

Obviously if there’d been a need for us to see a doctor I’d have been very happy to go up there, but there really wasn’t. And I should have been focussing on feeding instead of being undermined and carting car seats around hospitals.

I will be making a complaint. I’ll put it up here too.

And thank you so much for all your support. Here, elsewhere, twitter and texts – you’ve been my lifeline.

Posted in It's where it is, breastfeeding, tigerboy | Tagged , , | 17 Comments

I am scared.

Posted on Thu Apr 5 2012 by Jax

Scared that there is something wrong with my child. That he’s ill and I’m failing him. That I’m making the wrong choices.

Scared that I’m going to spend more time uncomfortable and stressed in a hospital environment where ppl won’t tell me what is going on, or give me the information I need to make the right decisions.

Scared that it is because of my stubbornness that something is not right, that maybe my body isn’t making enough milk, or I’m not feeding him often enough, that I’m doing too much (though it feels like I’m doing too little and failing everyone else) and he’s suffering for it.

Scared of losing him.

Posted in It's where it is | 15 Comments

What I want today

Posted on Wed Apr 4 2012 by Jax

Is a teacup that would beep at me to tell me when my tea is ready to drink.

Ok, it’s not what I really want. What I really want is not to be going to the hospital again tomorrow, not to be having to fight with health professionals over breastfeeding, not to be worrying about my beautiful little boy, or aching from sitting in bad chairs feeding for hours yesterday.

But a beeping tea cup would go someway to taking my mind of it all. What do you want today?

Posted in It's where it is | 4 Comments