Making it up

New Year’s Eve is an odd day for my family. It should be my youngest sister’s birthday, it is her daughter’s. So we gather together to have a party for a nine year old, those of us from further away swap Christmas presents, and we don’t really mention those missing.

It is a day for remembering, nevertheless, not that there is ever a day for me that isn’t. You can’t disentangle someone from your life that was part of it from so early on, and for so long. And why would you want to? Even though it’s a sad thing, it is how it is. And watching her daughter grow is a peculiar bittersweet happiness.

Happy New Year.

there are nice ppl around.

It was a glorious morning this morning. So obviously I sat in the house and put off shopping until there was a freezing rain this afternoon. Sigh. In my defence my phone didn’t warn me…

so when I went out to walk to the other end of town it was getting dark, blowing unpleasantly and the rain was, as I mentioned, a bit on the cold side. By the time I reached the doctors’ surgery my jeans were soaked through and my hat was sodden. Not pleasant. So it was a little disappointing to discover that my prescription for gaviscon hadn’t been sorted. The receptionist looked at me, looked at the prescription, and offered to go in search of a doctor to sort it out. Which was incredibly kind of her – she said she understood completely why I wanted it…

Once that was sorted I headed back outside to discover at least it had stopped raining. Bonus. The fabric and hobby shop didn’t have what I wanted though, which was a little annoying, but I guess I’ll just have to cope.

The Works didn’t excite me either – I could quite see why their remnant books had been reduced to 99p. Next stop Boots to get the prescription filled – I dropped it off, then headed for another couple of gift shops.

Back to Boots, to be told they didn’t have peppermint gaviscon. I said I really didn’t care what flavour it was, so they sorted out aniseed. And the pharmacist remarked that she had lived on it when pregnant, then looked at me and realised why I don’t care what flavour it is She agreed with me that prescribing not quite enough to get through two days at the prescribed rate is a bit ridiculous and asked if I had the repeat script. Leave it here, she said, we drop it to the doctors, and I’ll put a note in suggesting they up the amount a bit. And we pick it up and you can pop in after the New Year and pick up the next lot.

I do like helpful ppl. And that’s two helpful medical professionals in one day. Three if you count the midwife who put the prescription in in the first place this morning

And eventually I wended my way home, to make pizza and chivvy children. My achievement of the day? I’ve learnt how to make icord, and wound a ball of recycled sari silk from a skein so that I can make my creative challenge bracelet. Plenty of time for you to join in if you fancy challenging yourself

The week between Christmas and New Year is usually pretty quiet, and uninterrupted by external forces. Today was an exception to that rule, with two appointments this morning, and then I planned a shopping trip.

Midwife arrived sometime after 9.30 and did all her bits, and everyone got to listen to baby’s heartbeat and watch as it tried to kick the monitor off! Lively this morning Then we made it to second appt by skin of our teeth and once that was done, drove (very very slowly) across town to the Range.

I was looking forward to the Range, and so was Big. I’d planned it as a treat trip for the two of us, so perhaps that make it easier to understand how disappointed and cross with myself I was when I discovered I didn’t have my purse on me. No cards, no cash, no nothing. No, I tell a lie, there was 6p in my pocket. Not really enough to go into the shop with. And it’s not a shop we go to often, not least as it isn’t that easy to get to, although I have now added it to my map of town, and understand how to get there in a more straightforward way from home…

so instead of shopping, we came home. It was nearly 2 o’clock by the time we got home, so lack of lunch was probably part of what was behind my emotional state. Big had coped with the disappointment extremely well, and Small had coped with the whole thing admirably – I was rather proud of him in fact. So then we had lunch.

And then I went into town and did bits of shopping instead. And redeemed myself and the day by locating reduced price chicken for tea in the coop, so that’s now cooking as I write here. Oh, and I bought dpns in a charity shop so after tea I’m going to try my creative challenge – I might experiment with easier yarn first though I have found the recycled sari silk I’m going to use for the finished project.

And now I need to go and cook the rice to go with the chicken. I’ll be having egg fried rice, although I didn’t manage to get any stir fry bits as they only had a huge pack and last time I bought one of those most of it got wasted. I don’t like waste. Not that it’s wasted wasted as it ends up in the compost, but you know what I mean.

I have been incredibly fortunate this Christmas. Some time ago I blogged a little wishlist and invited ppl to take part in a cheapskate/ thrifty secret santa.

And what do you know? Santa came through in style.

A very lovely bloggy friend sent me a masher.

When we were looking for a film to watch for family film night, we found the boxset of Buffy, first series, completely unopened. :blush:

Another lovely friend sent me a MaM coat!

I haven’t found the magic wand yet. Though I have managed, through sheer determination, to reduce 13 binbags of stuff to about 5 to work through, with another couple lined up for specific destinations (family, friends, charity shops). And I started (yet another) blog to detail my attempts at getting the work side of life organised. So maybe the magic wand was internal?

As far as crochet is concerned, I’m making my very first item out of my own head without a pattern. It’s hard work, but I’m enjoying it. (I’d possibly have enjoyed it more if I’d managed to get it done for Christmas, but somehow I don’t think Smallest will mind *when* Mr Cuddles arrives. )

The netbook is still outstanding. But hey, that was a big ask. I’ll cope. I got pretty things galore from various places (to review, but still pretty things!) and I found the watercolour pencils! This decluttering lark is worth it

Oh, and I got a lot of things that weren’t on any of my lists, but that I was very happy with. A lovely notebook and pen to write in it. Chocolates. A birthstone keyring. Books. Including the Hungergames trilogy, that I really really wanted. And more chocolates. I’m very happy.

And so to the cheapskate gift exchange. I was quite pleased with the gift I sent out, *and* it arrived in time for Christmas! Yay, go me.

As for what I received, it was outstanding! I got the most beautiful handmade fabric covered notebook.

Isn’t that gorgeous? My secret elf is incredibly clever I’m hoping that everyone who took part had as successful a time of it, and I’m sticking a linky on here so that if you want to share a pic or story of what you got you can

Here’s to next year

Merry Christmas one and all.

Washing, washing up. Clearing, sorting. But with many sit downs add my back seizes if I overdo it.

And then some crochet. But it doesn’t look much like Mr Cuddles yet. Perhaps working from pictures when you aren’t visual isn’t the best bet.

Tomorrow I have lots to do. Hohum.

Today I was feeling quite pleased with myself. I did washing, washing up, bit of tidying, sorted through three bin bags and reduced them to two, with a pile of stuff to go to charity. I received 10 parcels at various stages of the day, including 5 out of the 6 present orders I was waiting for. And then I popped into town, and scored two toys for Smallest at reduced prices that I know will make her very happy. And I did the food shopping, made it home and made pizza.

Yes, I was feeling quite pleased with myself.

So obviously the universe had to take a hand. While I was still sitting at the table enjoying my reduced price Banoffee pie the shout went up from the living room that Smallest was being sick. Copiously it appears, so I ended up stripping and showering her – which is quite an achievement when you’re 6+ months pregnant and don’t have a bath, just a shower cubicle. And while I was doing that, dp (who has been struggling all day feeling ill) discovered that the radiator in the kids room has given up the ghost and leaked everywhere. As that’s where I’d stashed the remaining unprocessed black bags from our bedroom radiator disaster, their room was quickly trashed as he cleared enough room to work and turn it off.

Joy. The carpet is soaked. And that makes 5 radiators that have given up the ghost since we’ve been here. 3 were old, but the last two to go were replaced by dp’s brother within the last 5 years. Let’s just say that we won’t be buying any more radiators from companies with the initials TP… and I’m very nervous about the radiator in the loft! Just as well it’s mild today as well, as now we’ve no radiators in the bedrooms, making the house a bit lop sided to say the least.

So I’m not finishing my day with a sense of achievement. More a sense of survival. And I’m hoping against hope that the sickness incident was just related to some over enthusiastic playing immediately after tea and nothing more sinister, and also that dp bounces out of bed full of the joys of winter in the morning and manages to find at least one replacement radiator before the holiday period means everywhere shuts down. I’m not particularly hopeful though – it was round about this time last year that the living room one packed up and me and the kids ended up fleeing up north to sanctuary. I foresee a repeat of that exodus…

Ever such a long day today, travelling to a Christmas crafts day with our History etc buddies. Where we usually do it as an overnight it was a day trip, and that means over 3 hours in the car. Consequently we’re all tired this evening, and I’m off to bed very soon.

But before I forget I want to run through the crafts we did, even though it turns out I hardly took any pictures (bad Jax!).

There was sewing of felt stars, making orange pomanders, moss ring wreaths, fimo, peg doll angels, pinecone candles, cross stitch bookmarks, and colouring a mural. Big worked her way through most of these crafts, and Small was persuaded to do three or four, although sadly his fimo christmas hat disappeared before baking. But I’ve a heap of things in the boot of the car that I can take pictures of tomorrow to add in, and I can check with Big whether I missed anything out

There were also musical performances, a variety of instruments played by children, and carol singing too. Big hopes next year to be able to join in on bassoon

Smallest pottered, coloured, made a spiky orange and generally enjoyed herself. And I managed a few little chats and sewed myself a felt star, so even I got to make something for once

Late home and late tea, but hopefully we’ll all get a good night’s sleep and tomorrow we can really clear the decks for Christmas

(Oh, and did you catch my Christmas traditions post over at A Mother’s Ramblings?)

to turn the phone around when I’m taking video.

She’s cute anyway though

And that’s your lot for today, because we’re both shattered and we’re off to bed. Long day planned tomorrow and then the run up/down to Christmas.

I went to cybermummy this year. I was part of the photoshoot for the bloggercalendar as arranged by Jay and Tara. And yes, I want a copy of it. So I’m following Jay’s instructions:

First: post a photo of your blog’s inspiration. So, your baby/babies, where you live, your vegetable patch, your novel, your native flag, your phone – whatever you feel is the main subject of your blog.Whatever, it’s entirely up to you.

Second: Post a basic blog CV. In a fashion, it could describe why you chose the photo you did. Explain your blog, the who, the what, the why – your call.

Post a picture of my blog inspiration? That’s tough. This blog started as a way of keeping in touch with home educating friends, and I’m not sure I’ve actually got a photo of them all. And it was a way of keeping a record of our day to day lives, our home education, milestones, crafts, books read, films watched, rants, raves the lot. I don’t know that I could encompass that in one photo.

So you’ll have to make do with a picture of the offspring. They were the primary inspiration, even though there’s much more random stuff here as well now. And I hope that widens the appeal, as long as I keep up the cute pictures from time to time

I am not really a coat person. I don’t like being muffled and winter coats I have tried on in the past have always felt like I was being suffocated with blankets. My staple has always been lightweight stuff, most recently a Paramo windproof, waterproof fleece. So, when the Lands’ End Wool Pea Coat arrived I really was not sure I was going to like it [ed - despite having chosen it himself!]. Opening the box, it was heavy, enough to reassure that it would be warm, but not so heavy it would feel like I was wearing a rucksack. The fit was good and it was comfortable on, I could still bend my arms and move around normally.

The coat arrived just at the right time too, just as the outside temperatures changed from unseasonally warm to suddenly cold. I have really appreciated the warmth, it really is a warm coat and I missed it badly on a Christmas shopping trip to a chilly, windy Southwold. One feature I didn’t like initially was the big collar, I thought it was a bit overdone. However, when there is a chill wind off the North Sea, having the collar up protects your neck and lower face from the elements.

Suffice to say, I love my coat, it does its job well, straightforward traditional looks, very warm and comfortable. A keeper.

I’ve just realised that I didn’t write up last week’s family film night, which took place with an additional adult. We watched Jackie Chan in an Accidental Spy and I will get round to writing that up at some point, but right now, I’ll move swiftly past a slightly stressy day, and arrive at 6 pm, when we were flicking through the list of recorded films, wondering what to watch together. It looked like we were heading for stalemate again, with Small voting for Charlotte’s Web and Big liking the look of Home Alone when the bloke overruled both and set Innerspace playing.

Apparently this is the film that brought Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan together (bet that really cheered up his wife of the time, oops!) – they certainly play well together. It’s not an astounding film, but certainly went down well enough tonight. Small particularly enjoyed the stomach acid moment Jack, it worked. You just digested the bad guy, while Big sat covering her eyes from time to time issuing “ews” but didn’t get overly upset and enjoyed lots of the slapstick and romance.

I’ll watch pretty much anything with Dennis Quaid in (although my absolute favourite is The Big Easy – that accent is fantastic, and iirc there’s even dancing. I’m a sucker for a dance scene), and I don’t think dp objects to Meg Ryan, so something for everyone. Definitely a few laugh out loud moments, Martin Short really plays his part extremely well, somehow without hugely overdoing it, although the plotline also gave rise to some heated discussion over the dinner table as to how precisely you could travel from the mouth to the womb (not particularly easily we maintained). So there you go, educational aspects to it as well.

What more can you ask for from a family film? Well, at this time of the year we’ll be looking for something a little more seasonal next week – I’d love your suggestions

I read a great post about dreaming the other day. It was a timely reminder. In the middle of all my plans and targets, I think it’s possible I’ve lost sight of my dreams. Time to revisit them.

I dream of being happy. That’s probably a bit too wide and unfocussed a dream tbh. I need to narrow in on what would give me that happiness, something that I could hold on to day by day, so that my default state is contentment instead of this vague feeling I’m missing something. (Which is, it has to be admitted, better than the panicked sensation that everything is out of control which is an all too familiar default state.)

So right now, right here, as well as all my plans to have an income working from home, I’ll put out there that I want to be a published author. It’s a dream I’ve had at least since my early teens, perhaps longer. I haven’t written fiction in a long time – I think I tried nano a few years back but didn’t make it – but I have so many ideas bubbling away. It’s just that sitting down to work on them feels self indulgent and I don’t do it – although I’m quite happy, it would appear, to fritter my days away on twitter.

I don’t see it as frittering though. I see it as relating, connecting, touching base. Somehow I’ve got to find a balance, and give a better example to my children, who see me fiddling away on a screen but don’t see anything productive coming of it. Of course, there are productive things coming from some of my screen time, but there needs to be more obvious results, more demarcation of activities, more productivity, and yes, more dreaming.

I seem to be lining up resolutions. Oops. Wonder how that happened.

This morning I performed my first internet flounce. Well, it was kind of the second part of a flounce I started last night. And as these things are, it was really kind of pathetic.

I’ll back up a bit and explain some more.

I have this group of online friends. We’ve known each other for years. When I say online, I do know them really too, it’s just we met online and stay in touch that way mostly. We also meet up as often as we can, sometimes even holidaying together either at camps or youth hostels. One of those group holidays is happening this week, but when the arrangements were being made I didn’t know whether we could afford it, and so I didn’t book. And when it came around I decided that I was right – it had been a choice between that and the family holiday we take every January, and I think the family holiday is just that bit more important.

But that didn’t stop me feeling very left out. Or Big feeling similarly, which is adding to my stress levels. And I struggle at this time of year anyway. And then various odd comments came out of the group while they were away, and I wasn’t sure whether they were jokes or not, so was really worried about them all.

This, again, is my fault. I’m not good at interpreting humour. I rarely join in silly threads as I have no idea what to say, I don’t do pun things on twitter, perhaps I’m just a humourless grinch. But like I say, I was actually worried.

It was all a joke. And having felt hurt, left out and now embarrassed and laughed at, I haven’t been near our online haunt all day, and I’m not intending on going back any time soon. Which is the internet equivalent of cutting off my nose to spite my face, but right now, is the only way I can make it through the days.

Actually, I didn’t make it through today terribly well. To the extent that I went and did my sobbing in the shower, in lieu of finding a handy rain shower to cry in. Yes, I said it was pathetic. Utterly, totally, completely self absorbed and pathetic. All based around a misunderstanding on my part, born out of being off balance. And at some point I will go back, cap in hand, and apologise. But not just yet. Right now I’m going to concentrate on work, writing, children and Christmas. And yes, I’m doing it in that order on purpose.

I’ve decided I’m starting a new tradition of my own. From solstice to New Year, I’m going to make real life my focus. Friends, family, the ppl around me. And when I decided that earlier today, I realised that a very large part of the problem is that there aren’t many ppl around me here – I haven’t put down roots or built friendships in our new town. So that has got to be my new years resolution – that along with building my online businesses, I need to build an offline support network.

Wish me luck. I think I’m going to need it.