When your world tilts sideways, wiggle your toes.

On Saturday, I got up, drank coffee, togged up and went for a run. I didn’t run terribly far, or terribly fast – 1.2 miles in 11m 35 seconds. When I got back, I drank more – probably water, though I don’t remember, and then crouched on the kitchen floor to read a book to Tigerboy.

I wasn’t down there terribly long. A few minutes? Big was sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal and playing on her phone.

I stood up.

And my world tilted.

I remember a slight wooziness. Then I remember Big standing in front of me screaming. She said I’d had a fit. (That isn’t quite how she phrased it.) And then she ran out of the room after Tigerboy, who ran out crying when she was shouting.

I just had an impression of movement, noise. Chaos. I straightened up properly, and saw that the hob was red. Somehow I must have turned it on as I fell against it. Big later described me collapsing backwards and then sliding to the side. I’ve got bruising down my back in various places where I must have hit the edge of the hob and the drawer knobs. And I had the worse headache. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Instead, after I sat for a while, then lay down for longer, I called 111. Probably we should have called 999, according to the various guidelines we found later. But we didn’t, we called 111. After running through a slightly bizarre checklist (why did I need to sit with my arms in the air?) the call handler decided I needed a doctor within 6 hours. So I got a callback with an appt time a couple of hours away, and we outsourced some children to local relatives and went and sat in a waiting room.

Why are these things always so very delayed? I’ve spent time in that waiting room with Tigerboy before now, and they are never running anywhere near time.

We eventually saw a doctor, who took what we described quite seriously. It could be a faint. It could be something else. He recommended getting a referral from my GP to neurology. And he told me not to drive.

Yesterday I pretty much slept.

Today I got up early and rang the doctors. I got a receptionist who got me a callback pretty much immediately, and a GP who had all the answers before he heard any of the questions. We went in to an appt, and he was quite argumentative and dismissive. He did grind to a halt when I explained why I already knew about the advice not to take baths.

Granted, I’ve always had low blood pressure. Granted, I often go woozy. It’s very rare that I completely black out, the most I do is stagger, and this was a whole different thing. And given the family history, I’m sure you can understand why I’m more than a little bit freaked by all of this.

The GP said he would put money on it being a blood pressure thing. He advised standing up more slowly, and wiggling my toes. (Yes, really.) He also said that there’s a 30% chance that it is something else. And I’ve been referred to the first fit clinic, appt should be within 2-4 weeks. And I still can’t drive.

Although, if there’s a delay to the appt, he’ll clear me to drive, because that’s his medical opinion.

(I’m not getting the pomposity across.)

So, that’s why we’re not in Wales, at Bluestone, reviewing their luxury cabins. That’s why I’ve sat at the table tonight and cried. That’s why I spent time with Tigerboy asleep in my arms yesterday, cherishing every moment. I’ll admit, I’m struggling with this one.

I’m struggling with the idea that I can’t go for a run by myself, or shouldn’t ride a bike alone. That I can’t drive, so I couldn’t make up for missing out on a review holiday by at least making home ed skating this afternoon. And I can’t take them to our friends during the week.

(I don’t have to worry about not taking baths. We don’t have a bath. And I never go swimming, even though I love it.)

I thought I understood epilepsy, I’ve worked with people with it, seen seizures, lost my sister to it. Maybe I just fainted on Saturday. Maybe I’ll get an all clear in a few weeks time. But right now, my world is tilting.

About Jax Blunt

I'm the original user, Jax Blunt I've been blogging for ten years, give or take, and if you want to know me, read me :)

Comments

  1. I really hope you get some sensible answers soon x

  2. What a scary place to be in. I really hope you can find out what’s happening soon without having to deal with anymore know-it-alls. Tilting – I imagine it would be.

  3. So sorry to hear this and the way the doctor dealt with it. After dealing with many, many, many doctors between my daughter’s illnesses and my parents’ illnesses, the worst type of doctor is the one with all the answers and no questions. Truly frustrating. I hope you can get some answers. I know that this is a really frustrating thing because so much is unknown…thoughts and prayers going out to you.

  4. That sounds very frightening – for you and your children – I really hope you do get some answers x
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  5. That was scary to read, Jax, can’t even imagine how scary it must have been for you. xx

    • Jax Blunt says:

      The only way I’m dealing with it is by not thinking about it too much, and writing actually helps that, as once it’s out, it’s dealt with if that makes any sense?

  6. Thinking of you Jax. I hope that you get some answers soon. Take care and get as much rest as you can (with children around!)

  7. Oh shit Jax! What a very scary situation for you all. I hope you do get to the bottom of it, and quickly, and that you find medical professionals who treat you as a human being. Maybe your brain is just utterly exhausted from all the things you’ve had going on, and a good rest will see you right. I hope you get some peace of mind soon. Lots of love. Xx

  8. I hope that in time you either get a diagnosis or it goes and you can have fun again. I had epilepsy as a child. I am one of the lucky ones and grew out of it. Must be very scary for you. Huge hugs. Try and relax and try not to worry too much. Tough I bet. Always here if you want to talk. Just DM me on Twitter or tweet me x

  9. How frightening for all of you. I do hope you get some answers. Thinking of you xx

  10. Aww Jax, I really feel for you. Not knowing what you’re dealing with is always the worst part so I hope you get some answers very soon … and I hope they’re good ones too. In the meantime, have lots of cuddles with the kids, it’ll do you all the world of good xx

  11. I’m so sorry to be reading this. For so many reasons. I can only send you well wishes and hope you get (good) answers soon. In the meantime rest and recuperate, jax. It’s the best thing you can do for you all. X

    • Jax Blunt says:

      thanks Jennie. I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping, and trying really hard not to stress over the increasing piles of things to be done.

  12. We all send you our best wishes from myKidsy. Knowing little about epilepsy your post has opened our eyes to the terror it creates. Keep well and please let us know how you are. Hopefully your next post will be an upbeat outburst of relief that it was all down to low blood pressure.

    Alix
    x

  13. I’m so sorry lovely, wish I lived closer. You are in my thoughts & I hope you get some answers soon x

  14. How scary, I hope you did just faint, something similar but milder happened to me running the coast path last week, I fell over when the world tilted and thankfully not off the cliff, I felt myself go dizzy and loose balance but I didn’t black out. I walked the last part back to the car and never thought about it again until reading this. I do hope your turn is nothing, now I see why you are off wine, that didn’t occur to me either!

    • Jax Blunt says:

      I think it probably was just a faint, but yes, really scary. I often have the dizzy stuff, but it really makes you think twice when it could so easily go so horribly wrong. Inland running for a bit?

  15. That must have been so frightening, maybe more so because of the unknown? I hope they have a diagnosis for you soon, and that it’s not epilepsy.

    • Jax Blunt says:

      It was pretty terrifying. But it’s receding now, I just feel rather trapped in limbo by all the rules on what I shouldn’t do just in case, even though we’re probably not at the worst end of it all.

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