It’s not depression.
Not how I remember depression anyway. No hopelessness, no never ending days stretching into an out of control future.
Instead I don’t feel. Can’t quite think. Struggle with my words, avoid my emails, wander through my days with craft, and books and toddler boy cuddles and naps and some reading aloud and a little confusion.
I might find myself sitting at a computer unable to focus on what I was doing, flicking between Facebook and twitter and friendfeed.
There’s no point. I dripped tears briefly into the sink at lunchtime, then washed up instead and read a book.
Tomorrow, dear little people in the computer, I think I won’t be online as much. I think I have lost touch with what passes for my reality and I need to reground myself. Difficult though, when you’re trying to earn a living online.
I’m not very good at balance. And right now I’m not balanced. I need to find it. Will you be there when I come back?