Cloudy with a chance of tears.

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It’s not depression.

Not how I remember depression anyway. No hopelessness, no never ending days stretching into an out of control future.

Instead I don’t feel. Can’t quite think. Struggle with my words, avoid my emails, wander through my days with craft, and books and toddler boy cuddles and naps and some reading aloud and a little confusion.

I might find myself sitting at a computer unable to focus on what I was doing, flicking between Facebook and twitter and friendfeed.

There’s no point. I dripped tears briefly into the sink at lunchtime, then washed up instead and read a book.

Tomorrow, dear little people in the computer, I think I won’t be online as much. I think I have lost touch with what passes for my reality and I need to reground myself. Difficult though, when you’re trying to earn a living online.

I’m not very good at balance. And right now I’m not balanced. I need to find it. Will you be there when I come back?

About Jax Blunt

I'm the original user, Jax Blunt I've been blogging for ten years, give or take, and if you want to know me, read me :)

Comments

  1. I’ll be here. feel better soon. xxxxxx

  2. Shmi Skywalki says:

    It does sound like depression actually, I always ask, are you eating well, getting your B vitamins? Look after yourself :) x

  3. Yep, hope you are back to you soon x

  4. Definitely, hope you feel able to come back soon x
    Looking for Blue Sky recently posted…Ten rules for surviving the summer holidaysMy Profile

  5. of course (((hugs)))

    maybe a chat with your gp would be good anyway? depression doesn’t always manifest in the same way. I’ve experienced it as miserable agony, and also as grey nothingness.

  6. ahh you’ve described how I’ve been feeling lately to perfection. Time away from the internet and ‘the job’ plus remembering to take my supplements is helping but… Always at the end of an email if you want an ear, though obviously I get why that’s unlikely. Be here like an annoying smell anyway ;-)

  7. Jax, did you mention these symptoms in connection with the episode you had?

    • Jax Blunt says:

      No, I didn’t. Hmm.

      • It may be unconnected, but I think it may be worth the mention xx

        • Jax Blunt says:

          Think you’re probably right, but I have no faith in gp. Surely he should have asked?

          • From what you said it doesn’t sound like he had any time for anything other than his own opinion, idiot. Is a fit clinic the same as a neurology referal? Doesn’t sound like it to me, but I’ve no knowledge of these things. Might be worth a second opinion, if you can face it?

          • Jax Blunt says:

            I think the fit thing is run by neurologists from what I can tell.

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