I’m completely confused over my attitude to awards. Of course I want to win. We’re brought up to believe being the best if a good thing. But I hate the idea of pimping and begging, I want to be recognised without having to ask ppl to look.
Which, in the style of awards we’ve got floating around right now in the blogging world, just isn’t going to work. Not for me – I don’t have enough regular readers who are into that kind of thing and would think to vote without being asked. Which I suppose means that actually, I’m not good enough. Hm.
So, if I didn’t ask, didn’t get the votes to go through to the next stage of either BiBs or MADs why do I have this curious feeling of disappointment? I knew it wouldn’t happen. But there’s that tiny germ of hope that somehow it will…
Why would I want to win? Do I really want to be a part of the in crowd that much? Of course I do! I want posh prizes, I want glorious nights out, I want ppl to sit up and notice when I mention my award winning blog, like I saw ppl react at Cybher when other bloggers just mentioned their nominations. I want to be able to use that to climb another step, maybe break into paid writing, be the blogger that ppl want to meet but are almost too shy to – don’t I?
I don’t know. I want some of it. The payment, definitely. Times are, as they say, hard. But not at the price of asking for ppl to like me. There’s a stubborn streak that won’t let me do that.
So I guess I’ll go on without awards, trying to make my way some other way. Otherwise, you might even say
This post started life as a comment on Michelle’s blog (yes, that is a follow link, do you remember the days when we used to just link to ppl because we wanted to, not because of a linky or a carnival, just because?), but got out of control and had to be dragged over here.