Nominations are open for The MAD Blog awards 2011. All around the mummy and daddy blogosphere, hopeful posts are springing up, requesting nominations for particular categories, or just generic involvement. Tweets are littering the timeline with reference to those blogposts or direct requests for votes.
And there’s another kind of conversation going on. There’s a “what is the point, as I won’t win” type of thread. Or the “give it a rest already”, comment. Or the “can’t be fair”, questions, or “how can it work”, or “what are the rules” and so on.
When it comes down to it, of course it’s a thrill to be nominated, and yes, I was happy to see my name in the list that went up this morning. (Best family life apparently. There you go then.) But at the same time, I know that this is a niche blog in that it doesn’t really fit in to any category. If there was a “Best utterly eclectic and disorganised blog written by blogger with great intentions who usually fails to follow through” I’d be a frontrunner. (Pausing for a moment to wonder who would sponsor that. Probably a life coach company who would want to sweep in and fix everything ) But there isn’t, and I’m not, so once again I’m left sitting here trying to work my way through my emotions. (Oh come on, anything is better than hanging the washing out!)
It *is* hard, to ignore the feeling of being left out, of not being part of the in crowd, no matter how many times I try to tell myself, and you, faithful readers, that I don’t blog for the stats. I really *don’t* blog for the stats, I haven’t checked the underlying since I blogged that I wouldn’t (impressed with my willpower? Not nearly as much as I am!) although I’m going to allow myself a day this week of looking into it, writing up a PR friendly report on it all, then I’m going to step away again. But I’m beginning to understand what all this is about in my mind, so I thought I’d take a minute or two to share.
It’s intellect v appetite, and it goes on in every area of my life. The unnamed desire for something or anything – the grass at the other side of the fence, the book I haven’t read, the chocolate biscuit I don’t really need. And at the same time, I know I have plenty, so I feel guilty for wanting. But it’s the guilt I need to deal with.
Wanting is perfectly natural. If the first ape in the tree hadn’t wanted whatever was down there on the ground, we wouldn’t have started to become how we are. If we weren’t driven by curiosity and desire, inventions wouldn’t happen, changes wouldn’t occur and there’d be no humans. (I’m not a creationist. Sorry.) But at the same time, if we don’t listen to our heads, the wanting just drives battles and chaos. So there’s a balance to be struck in every area of our life – using the base energy that drives us, and governing it with a balance that knows when to walk away.
It’s tough. I’m only 40, I haven’t got it completely sussed yet. I’m expecting one day I might, but I’m not thinking that day will be tomorrow. It’s something to work towards in my own goal for self improvement.
So where does that leave us on the blog awards? It just means that if I’m nominated, great, I’m grateful. But I’m not asking you to do it, I’m not going to tweet about it happening, and I’m going to paste on a smile to congratulate the winners who aren’t me when we get to that point. And if I can’t manage that, I’ll just quietly unfollow the lot of you. So there.