we’ve got to the reminiscing stage of being together. For some reason today there was a pile of pictures of our childhood lying around - including one of Katrin dressed as Paddington. I’d have borrowed it to scan but I’m not sure I want to show you all me dressed as a cat…
I remember her reading my books - when I went to university she moved into my bedroom and read pretty much everything on my shelves including a whole pile of science fiction/ fantasy not aimed at 9 year olds. Oops. Still, she got a very wide ranging education! I remember her coming to stay with me in Durham when I had my little house, and taking her to a Bon Jovi stadium gig in Gateshead. I remember that we forgot to take suncream, and with Katrin being kind of ginger, she burnt something rotten. Before that her taste in music wasn’t so good, I queued on the phone to get her Take That tickets - first time around, not reunion.
All my memories seem to be of quite a while ago. I moved away - when I went to university, I stayed away. I didn’t come back to Yorkshire until a decade ago, and I suppose by then they’d grown up without me. I did try - I used to go see Katrin in her little house in Denby Dale, but then I started to develop this social life and had a baby and I was working full time - they sound like excuses or justifications, but really I’m just looking for answers. I don’t know whether I’ll like them if/when I find them, but I really do feel like I need some.
I’ll be doing some pondering on that type of thing, but I’ll probably keep it passworded. As and when I get around to a password I’ll let you know.
5 Comments
“’m not sure I want to show you all me dressed as a cat…”
(you really would have enjoyed that.
)
I don’t think there are any answers. It’s just the way it was. You can’t rewrite the past just as you can’t write the future.
I hardly see any of my siblings. We are busy with our own lives and friends. My dad keeps us in the loop about what each of us are doing. The youngest 2 I see about once a year and no matter how much Clo would love to see James more, he is busy with uni and his friends and seeing his niece is not high on his agenda. Ditto with my sisters as they are busy with work / new baby and our lives don’t overlap at all.
No guilt, no regrets, it’s just the way it is. But if you feel like you need some answers, I wish you all the best in looking for them.
xx
I think it’s the fact that the other three are close and I’m the one looking in that is making me ponder.
It’s taken years for my family to stop looking for someone to blame, to stop trying to assign guilt and just accept that it just was and there’s nothing we can do about it.
Mutual friend Kris is getting all Buddhist and talking about living in the moment, in the now. We can only build on what is and move on from there. She makes a lot of sense (as always)
I hope you find the answers you need, and I hope they help you find some peace and fond memories along the way.
i agree with michelle. TBH, you moved away, you got a new life, you had children, and they became the nucleus of your new life - sounds like a good plan. and there is a large age gap between you and Katrin. i don’t think you can beat yourself up about decisions in the past. you have led a busy life and chosen the focus - your children.