Comments on: too tired for words

By: Merry

Merry — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 19:22:26 +0000

Sorry to hear this news.

We took all four of ours to Great Gran’s funeral. Josie appears to have been left with a dislike of stone buildings, but otherwise they took it in their stride. It was their choice, i wasn’t going to but they wanted to. I’ve always regretted not going to the funerals of either of my grandfathers and i think it is very much the right thing now, if they want to. The old ‘keep them away’ attitude is, i suspect, a throw back to English, stiff upper lip and don’t show emotions thing. Bollocks to that.

By: Layla

Layla — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 19:43:18 +0000

I’ve just seen this Jax - I’m really sorry.

In similar circumstances I’d take Claudia unless she didn’t want to go.

(We will be there next week I’m sure we’ll bump into you!)

By: Allie

Allie — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:40:40 +0000

Sorry to hear about Tim’s dad. Also believe it is not at all mad for children to go to funerals if they want to.

By: SallyM

SallyM — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 14:19:10 +0000

Hugs to Tim. I have taken my kids to funerals, I think they have been to 3. At each one they have been perfectly behaved and others have said how nice it was to have kids there. If Big wants to go then its definitely a good idea for her.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:42:02 +0000

Sorry to hear about Tim’s dad. I’ll join in as well–it’s not mad. When my dad died, 9 out of 11 of my nieces and nephews were there–from 3monthss to 11 yrs. The two who didn’t go have both expressed regret at not going. It is a natural, though very sad, part of life.

By: Ruth J

Ruth J — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:12:18 +0000

I’m in the Not Mad camp, too. In a perfect world, I’d probably take a child about Big’s age to her first (hopefully…) funeral, and it would be of someone she didn’t know very well. I think it’s very useful to have some experience of the conventions of the event, before you’re at your first one that matters, and you’re dealing with grief at the same time. Obviously, those are tricky circumstances to organise, but that would be my ideal.

Given that she does, in fact, have grief to deal with, I’d definitely let her choose to go.

I went to one this week, and there were at least three pre-schoolers there, as well as two babies (including mine). I think it’s good for people to see children at a funeral - it fosters a sense of life going on. Mind you, two of the kids were of the deceased, which was heart-breaking in a different way…

By: tammy

tammy — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 08:23:09 +0000

very sorry to hear about tim’s dad. I don’t think it is mad to take the children to the funneral, they need to say good bye too. we took sam to M’s uncle’s funneral last year and while a lot of it went over his head he said later that he was glad that he had gone so that he could give M’s aunt cuddles as she looked so sad.

By: Gill

Gill — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:47:46 +0000

Very sorry to hear the news. It seems mad to me that the convention is to keep children away from funerals.

By: Tech

Tech — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:02:04 +0000

You’re not at all mad. We took the girls, then nearly 3 to their gran-nan’s funeral, and have never regretted it. Your gut feeling is the right one to go with. xx

By: Nic

Nic — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 23:39:45 +0000

Sorry to hear about Tim’s dad. I would also give my two the chance to go to the funeral. If they were younger (under 4 maybe) I’d just take them, over that age I’d explain what it was all about and give them the choice but would encourage them to go for the reasons Alison said about it being better to go and find it tough - because funerals are, than not go and regret it.
Hope you have a good week aside from that, sounds like you really need it. xxx