Comments on: Let battle commence!

By: helen and chris F

helen and chris F — Sun, 13 Mar 2005 23:04:23 +0000

nice to get some good feedback on my strategy for confidence!

By: Heather

Heather — Sun, 13 Mar 2005 20:15:24 +0000

I earnestly beleive that children need and seek our approval- not so much of what they do but of who they are, which often manifests as what they do-
‘well done, didn’t you try hard at that’-
but it is just as important to praise, and hence give our approval for them as people-
‘Pip, I love the way you thought of Titch before before doing that, I really like that about you’.
I base this beleif on my husband as he is one of the most confident, self assured epople I know- without being cocksure; he is capable of great humility. His mother and father praised sincerely and often and I’ve discussed this with them and observed how they are with my children- giving praise and *encouragement* about who they are and what they do, and they STILL do this with their adult children. mil often tell’s him he’s a great father, wonderful musician and also that she thinks he’s really great to know. It’s sincere and she means it but it is so refreshing to be amongst people who value each other and SAY so. As a consequence he values himself and knows his parents value him. What harm is that in a world where personal insecurity is rife?

By: karen b

karen b — Sun, 13 Mar 2005 14:42:18 +0000

I praise and give positive comments as much as possible when I feel it is right. I think positive comments possibly have the edge on praise as to a child they can mean the same thing sometimes. I just remember a) not getting any of the above and b) if I ever did it was always ‘good but’ followed by a negative. Doesn’t do anybody any good. Constructive criticism is OK if the child can take it the way it is intended and that takes practise. I think it depends on the child’s ability to assimilate what you are telling them at any given time - I don’t believe this depends on age just emotional and critical maturity. At the moment I feel that Little chick needs all the encouragement she can get as she only has two people to give it to her in the area of her speech and other areas where she needs to learn. She doesn’t need any encouragement in the area of naughtiness however LOL

By: Jax

Jax — Sun, 13 Mar 2005 13:35:28 +0000

On a personal level *I’d* want to know what happened to the other 3%, but it’s the first reaction that counts. I’m not sure that I ever got congratulated on my results as such, it was just always taken for granted.

By: Alison

Alison — Sun, 13 Mar 2005 11:22:10 +0000

I was thinking about it, and you know, I *would* want to know what happened to the other 3%! Pretty sure my first words would be that 97% was an excellent mark, but my curiosity would make itself known pretty quickly

By: Allie

Allie — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 23:51:43 +0000

I think praise is lovely when it comes from the heart. On the other hand I think it can be very patronising at times when doled out as a reward. I try hard to appreciate what my kids do, especially when they produce something that’s important to them, without setting myself up as some kind of judge. I hope they will grow up looking to their own feelings first and other people’s opinions after, when it comes to their work and their lives as a whole.

By: helen and chris F

helen and chris F — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 22:12:10 +0000

tha is my concern actually kath. i try and thing of positivity rather than blanket praise, in all aspects of SB. such as lovely wakeup smile, bounciness etc, as well as any ‘work’ [using the term loosely]. i guess i now find positive things to say on most things we do, whether it be pointing out she is better at grating nutmeg, laughing at her rhyming etc. The praise may be a reward i guess at times, but now i do it amost unconsciously, certainly not self consciously. I never do it in a comparitive way. if i have 2 children ie sb and nephew, i usually say different positive things to each so as sure no comparisons.in fact the only comparisons we do are maths ones!

i do find it a worry, but decided that freely given praise in abundance should be my strategy.

in fact i blogged on mine with ‘confidence’

By: Kath

Kath — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 21:55:12 +0000

Praise - tough one. I think to me it partly depends if you’re saying it to manipulate in someway, or as an honest comment. Is the praise meant to be a reward? I found the book Punished by Rewards really interesting reading. Do they know how well they’re doing - to a certain extent, why does it matter? But then we all just do compare ourselves against peers, don’t we, so perhaps it does matter. I’m not very sure what I think on that! It’s such a balancing act!

By: Nic

Nic — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 21:48:53 +0000

hmmm i had this debate with myself a while back when D started to actively seek praise from others whenever he heard it being dished out to other children. I have concluded that I praise plenty but I cannot do it for praises sake, otherwise I would feel like i was just patronising them and it would be false and insincere. I do praise when I feel praise is due - when they have done something which has been praiseworthy against their own standards. I am conscious of building up their own self worth but I do worry that over-praising is simply encouraging them to base their own self worth on the opinion and validation of others as opposed to them feeling it for themselves. As such my praise will tend to take the form of ‘well done, you did really well at that, you made a real effort / improved from last time / worked really hard. I am proud of you - are you proud of yourself? you should be’ type stuff. I would rather hear my child say ‘I am really proud of myself’ once than be praised by me and a thousand others.

By: Roslyn

Roslyn — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 21:43:40 +0000

I praise but I am also critical! I try to be positive about it though and would never ever ask about the other 3%!! Or other any %

Sounds a good day to me- the weather was lovely here too but I didn’t go out.